For some reason yours is over: he left you, you left him, a deception, an imposed distance, a mutual agreement, etc. You start to ignore him, forget him, overcome him … And for some reason, he comes back. Pride? Jealousy? Has the position of being the center of your life been taken from you and you don’t like it? Possession? Unsafety? Fear? Why do men come back according to psychology? Discover some of the reasons in this article in Bigmatrimonial.
Why do men come back when you start to ignore them
Let’s say you ignore him, but you really want him back. In this situation, what is commonly called “reverse psychology” plays a fundamental role. It is assumed that until you ignore him, he assumes that he still has you, that you would listen to him if he decided to return with you and that, therefore, he has that freedom to decide or not to return with you: he is in the position of power.
Once you start to ignore him, he feels that freedom threatened, losing the position of power and finding himself in an uncomfortable position that will motivate him to reestablish that freedom. And the way to do it is by acting contrary to how you are acting. That is, you ignore him by implying that you no longer want to know anything about him and that you even prefer that he leave you alone. And he comes after you, doing the opposite of leaving you alone to feel that he does not lose you, that he does not lose that freedom that would allow him to return to you, that he does not lose the position of power. Although now he is exactly where you wanted him from the beginning and his freedom and power are a mere illusion.
Why do men come back when you go past them
In this situation, the reason men return when you pass them may be similar to the one stated in the previous section, although your intention is not to purposely pass them so that they return.
Another reason to consider is the loss aversion theory of Amos Tversky and Daniel Kanheman, which states that the rejection of the possibility of losing is far greater than the desire to win. Although they postulated it in relation to the monetary, we can establish an analogy adapted to love affairs. And how does this translate to relationships? As we explained in the previous section, when you start to ignore or go past the person who was with you, the security that assumed that you would always be there crumbles. And that person’s fear of losing you awakens , along with the natural aversion to that loss. So, in the face of uncertainty, the best option to avoid loss is: go back to you.
Why do men come back when you’re forgetting them
While keeping in mind the above reasons, which are also valid, let’s see why men return when you are forgetting them. Forgetting someone is something much more serious than simply ignoring or going over it. Forgetting him is something that is not done on purpose, or overnight, but is something gradual, natural. And it shows much more, it feels much more. Forgetting means being better. And all the fears and insecurities mentioned above are magnified and take on another, much more genuine, much deeper meaning.
Now it’s a fear of truly losing yourself in his life, losing you and all that you mean to him, when he really hasn’t outdone you yet. Fear of never finding someone who loves him like you. Also fear of not finding someone like you. Fear of loneliness. And come back.
Why do men go back to their exes
That of which you do not realize what you had until you lose it, can not come more to the finger. In this situation he has already lost you. And in doing so, and being without you, he realizes all the little things that he didn’t value before, that he didn’t even know he had or that you provided him. And he begins to miss them, to miss you. Reviewing everything that went wrong, everything that went wrong. He realizes that it is not so easy to love someone that way, or that someone loves you that way. He realizes how good you were. After a breakup, for a time, it is very common to remember only the good times, growing nostalgia and longing, feelings that can easily be mistaken for love.
So why does a man come back?
- Because he has not managed to forget you
- Because he waits for a second chance
- He may have realized that he still loves you
- I may be confusing love with nostalgia
In any case, the decision to return or not is yours, and you should base it on what you feel.
This article is merely informative, in Bigmatrimonial we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.