I am married but I feel lonely, what do I do?
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“why do i feel so lonely in my marriage.” Is this phrase familiar to you? If lately you feel that in your marriage you are distancing yourself and that you hardly spend quality moments together, it is normal that you feel lonely. Many times, routine, stress and habit can cause that spark of love in the marriage to go off and, in the end, you do not feel that you share life with your partner but that you simply live with a roommate. In BigMatrimonial we are going to help you solve this situation and solve the problems you may have with your partner. Bear in mind that speaking, people are understood and, therefore, it is essential that you express yourself and communicate so that, together, you can regain the passion and love that has united you.
Why am I in a relationship and I feel lonely?
If you find yourself in the situation that you are married but you feel lonely, you have to know that there are some very common causes that cause these problems in marriage. This usually happens when the relationship is settling down and the two partners begin to live their lives at a distance.
Here we leave you a list with the most frequent reasons why you feel lonely in marriage. It is important to detect what may be the origin of the problem in order to choose the most convenient solution.
Your husband is no longer the same
If there is one thing that is clear, it is that, throughout our lives, it is normal to evolve. It may be that new interests arise, that we meet other people who discover a new world for us, that there is some situation that makes us change our thinking or philosophy, and so on. Therefore, it is possible that your partner has experienced some of these changes and that, now, you do not feel so close or close to you. In these cases, the interesting thing is not that you reject that new version of yourself but that you do just the opposite: that you take an interest in their new ambitions and that you too are part of them.
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It is you who has changed
The opposite situation can also occur, that is, it is you who has changed over the years. In these cases, the most advisable thing is not that you separate your partner from your new “me” but rather that you include him in your new life, that you make him participate in your new interests and that, thus, together you can continue to grow and evolve.
The routine is defeating you
Another reason why you are married but feel lonely is that you no longer make an effort as before. It may be that, now, you are more settled in routine and comfort and, therefore, you have “given up” slightly. This situation can make you feel that you are no longer special to your partner and that he never wants to do things with you, so it is essential to try to keep the flame of marriage and love alive so that the routine does not hurt you too much.
Excess work or obligations
And finally, another of the most common cases that can make you feel lonely in your marriage is that your partner lives in an environment of work stress that consumes a lot of time. In fact, this has traditionally been the most common cause of failure in marriage and is that stress at work can end up separating the couple a lot and causing the relationship to end up being consumed. If this is the situation you find yourself in, we recommend that you talk to your partner to see where you are. Surely you can reach an agreement that manages to balance your work life with your personal life.
What do I do if I feel empty in my marriage? 5 tips
Whatever the cause of your feeling of loneliness, it is important that you begin to put the solution that your marriage needs. It is essential that you do not let much more time pass because, if this is the case, in the end it may be that you are becoming more and more distant and that, in the end, love ends up disappearing. Therefore, resolve this situation as soon as possible and establish with your partners the way forward.
Here we will give you 5 tips so that you know what to do if you are married but feel lonely:
1. Talk to your partner
It is clear that if you have a problem in your marriage you have to talk about it with your partner. Chances are, if he’s deeply into his job or duties, he may not even realize that you feel lonely. And you shouldn’t be angry about it. It is essential that we learn to communicate and that we do not argue, we should not take anything for granted or expect our partners to know everything about us. Therefore, talk to him and explain how you feel, so you can consider the solution between the two of you.
2. Moments of intimacy
It may be that you feel lonely because, lately, you have not had romantic moments or moments just for you. Many times, on weekends we can stay with family, friends and always be surrounded by children and, this, can cause the couple relationship to distance itself and that, deep down, we miss each other. Therefore, a good way to regain that union is for you to spend a moment just for yourselves: plan a romantic dinner, go on a rural weekend, book a night at a hotel and regain your passion … whatever but together and alone!
3. Resolve the conflicts that have distanced you
It could also be that your relationship is going through a bad time. Relationship crises exist but getting out of them depends on the effort and will of both of you. Therefore, we recommend that you sit down to talk and solve the problems that are separating you. Speak calmly, slowly and with a decisive will. The objective is not to discuss or throw the “stuff” in your face but what we are looking for is to solve this situation and be well again.
4. Ask yourself: are you still in love?
It may be that you’ve been feeling lonely for a long time and that, right now, you don’t feel the same about your partner. In these cases it is important that you be sincere and that you value if you still want to continue fighting for your relationship or if, on the contrary, you prefer to give yourself some time and see what happens. You do not have to continue with a relationship in which you no longer believe so, in this case, it is best to put a little distance and see if it was a bump or if, really, there is nothing between you.
5. Go to therapy
If you do not want to throw in the towel but you do not know how to approach this situation, we recommend that you leave it in the hands of a professional. There are many therapists specialized in solving couples conflicts who can give you the keys and techniques to improve your relationship and be able to get it afloat again. But, of course, for this to bear fruit it is essential that both of you are willing to work and strive for you. Only then, will it make sense to go to therapy.
This article is merely informative, in BigMatrimonial we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to I’m married but I feel lonely, what do I do? We recommend that you enter our Couple Therapy category.