Mistakes and errors that prevent you from getting to know each other, developing relationships and being happy. In this article we will discuss about why am i still single.
1. Are you afraid of proximity
Perhaps something went wrong in the past relationship: you were hurt, your partner offended you, the breakup was difficult. Or you had a difficult childhood – problems with parents, difficulties at school.
As a result, close relationships are associated with something terrible and unpleasant in you, you are afraid that you will be injured again and you will not let potential partners close to you. For example, avoid contact with new people or start a relationship, and then, when they develop, become self-contained.
This behavior may be a sign of counterdependence or mean that you have not experienced past negative experiences. Maybe you just need time. Or, if the situation has been going on for a long time, the help of a psychologist.
2. You think you do not deserve good
This may be due to self-doubt. You consider yourself unattractive, stupid, ridiculous and uninteresting – and conclude that with such a set of negative qualities, nobody needs it anyway.
So, just don’t get to know people, afraid to show your feelings, show yourself. Behave constrained, pinched. Deliberately choose not those partners that you really like, but those whom you think you deserve: “I’m ugly, so what’s the point even looking in the direction of pretty men?”.
The problem is that few of us are able to truly look at ourselves through the eyes of others.
Our perceptions of ourselves are distorted by negative experiences, attitudes, and cognitive traps. There is a rather big chance that others see you as a charismatic, attractive and intelligent person. But you only learn about it if you come out of your shell and try to chat with someone you like.
3. You idealize relationships
Let’s say you think that they should develop according to a strictly defined scenario – like in books or movies. Beautiful dates, flowers and gifts, general views, kiss after the second meeting, meet after the fifteenth, meet the parents after a year of relations and start planning the wedding. And so on and so forth.
And if something doesn’t go according to plan (for example, you have different views on some issues or your partner needs more time to move to a new level of relationship), this will confuse you. You get upset, and you begin to be overcome by doubts.
But the universal plot of ideal relations does not exist, because living people with their interests and needs participate in them.
It is worth accepting from the very beginning that reality may not correspond to a perfect fictional picture. However, this, of course, does not apply to cases when a partner does something that is categorically unpleasant for you, or does harm.
4. You are too demanding
Do you want to meet the perfect superman, without flaws, and do not agree on anything less. He must look in a certain way (up to the color of the eyes, the shape of his fingers or waist size), have a clear list of interests, earn a specific amount.
Yes, to choose a partner according to the desired criteria – naturally, no one wants to be near a person who is not nice to him. But, firstly, these requests must be realistic: “looks perfect, but does not spend money on hairdressers and cosmetologists” does not apply to such. As well as “earns excellent money and at the same time never lingers at work”.
And secondly, being demanding doesn’t equal to trifling with trifles: “well, no, you cannot meet a person who incorrectly sets commas”.
5. Do you dream of meeting your soul mate
The myth is very romantic, but, unfortunately, it may leave you alone. Believing in this idea, we are waiting for some sign from above, love at first sight, impeccable and harmonious relations without a single rumor.
And as a result, we miss interesting people with whom we could be happy.
It is important to remember that the story of the halves is just a beautiful fairy tale and sometimes you need to work on any relationship.
6. You are in a hurry
Having barely met a man, you are already planning a life together, a wedding and children. From the first meetings, insist on physical proximity. After a couple of weeks of relationships, drag your passion to meet your parents, confess your love and demand a reciprocal declaration. Such a pressure can frighten a person, and the relationship will end, plainly and not starting.
It is important to listen to the partner, not to press on him and move with him at the same pace. But at the same time to analyze what makes you force the situation: maybe you are important not the person, but the status of the relationship. Or you are not confident in yourself and are afraid that if you do not bind your partner as soon as possible, he will leave you. Perhaps if you deal with such your settings, the relationship will be calmer and more harmonious.
7. You need a relationship for the sake of a relationship
Because “you are already 30, the clock is ticking, all my friends have been married for a long time .” Or “it’s time to settle down, a serious man needs a family, that you walk with a ramp.” If a person is alone, he is no, no, and he is visited by thoughts that something is wrong with him and everyone must have a couple.
He really can be bored and lonely – and in an attempt to fill this void, he rushes to look for someone “just to be.”
This approach is somewhat reminiscent of a settlement relationship. Perhaps they will suit someone, but certainly not everyone: getting along with a person if they are needed just for show and there is no special feeling for him will be difficult. And all this can end with insults, disappointments and an ugly break. Therefore, it is better to enter into a relationship when fully prepared for them.
Eric Cameron is a passionate relationship coach and counselor with a focus on helping couples reconnect and build strong and lasting relationships. He has years of experience working with couples and helping them to understand the intricacies of healthy relationships. He also provides guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship and deal with difficult topics. Eric’s approach is tailored specifically to the couple’s needs and he has a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw upon.