There are love stories that mark us forever. You have just been let go, and you feel anger, deep sadness, and a feeling of abandonment. Loneliness and the fear of never finding a similar love again oppress your heart. It’s hard after a breakup to stop thinking about your EX or even draw a line on everything you’ve been through with him. Your heart is broken into a thousand pieces, and you can’t stop this deep pain that never leaves you day and night. Guilt arises without warning, and you torture your mind by asking yourself a thousand questions without finding the answers:
What if I had acted otherwise? What if I hadn’t made all of his mistakes? What if I had been nicer, funnier, more beautiful? Would he have left me? Impossible to imagine a future without him, and every moment shared spins around in your head. There are no quick fixes to moving on, but there are some tips you can follow that will help you get better for when he chooses someone else over you.
Table of Contents
- Accept the situation
- Dare to talk about your discomfort to those around you
- Don’t compare yourself with the next one
- Change your mind
- Refocus on yourself
- Forgive your EX
- Mourn your relationship
- Close the book of your story
- Why he chooses someone else over you?
Accept the situation
“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away from you. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. »
Yes, the man you love left you for another, and your world has just fallen apart. You are heartbroken, and you are in pain, accept it. It is essential to accept this tear. Do not deny your suffering and do not pretend that everything is fine in front of others because deep inside, you are broken. You have to learn to live with your grief for as long as it takes for your heart to heal. It is one more test that life sends to you. Let go and accept this situation that you cannot control. The truth is, he didn’t love you enough to stay with you any longer. It’s tough to admit, but the sooner you figure it out, the better for you. The truth is sometimes horrible to hear, but it is necessary to come to terms with a difficult situation.
Dare to talk about your discomfort to those around you
“When suffering descends on our lives, we have to accept it with a smile. “
Your friends and sometimes even your family can be your pillars when you rock. Your loved ones are there to listen and support you and are ready to pick you up with a spoon in the face of any tragedy that strikes you. Maybe they even expected this breakup, seeing it coming long before you.
Our loved ones have the objectivity to see things as they are and know you well enough to know whether or not you are fulfilled in a relationship. Maybe they were even warning you, trying to open your eyes, but you ignored their warning because seeing reality in the face when you were madly in love with this man was too painful.
Do not hesitate to confide in your loved ones, those in whom you can have total confidence. They will be there to help you during your recovery.
Don’t compare yourself with the next one
“You should never compare yourself to others. To do it is to insult yourself. “
To be left by the man we love and who we believed to be the future father of our children is a great test of life. Still, when the latter leaves you for another woman, the suffering is all the greater, because unconsciously we believe that we have been left for someone better than us—a big crisis of self-confidence and questioning of everything you have done or said. You start to doubt yourself like never before.
Is it true that I am less beautiful than before? Am I not as interesting as I thought? What did he find in me? Did I cross the line during our last argument? What if I don’t deserve it? Did he want to run away from my miserable life? Or my bad temper?
Many doubts add to the breakup’s pain, old forgotten complexes resurface from deep within you, and you begin to believe that he left you because you were not good enough for him. Mistake number 1 is to go spy on the profile of the one who took your place in his heart. Naturally, you will compare yourself physically to her. If you manage to discover things about her personality and her life via social networks, you will inevitably compare your life with hers.
Whether she’s actually prettier than you or not, you’re going to idealize her and hate her. You will ruminate behind your screen thinking of her: What does she have more than me? What does he find her?
Be strong and stop spying on her profile because you are hurting yourself and preventing your wound from healing.
It can also happen that the pain prompts you to imagine them together, doing what you used to do with him. You suddenly imagine your ex hugging her, laughing with her, taking her to a restaurant, etc. And you wonder if it’s better with her? Isn’t he happier with her?
You have the impression that all these new moments that he will share with her will erase your history with him and that he will forget you. Nothing is further from the truth. Your story will always remain unique and the couple you formed, as well as the moments, shared will remain engraved in his memory. He will not experience them identically with this other woman because there is only one woman like you, and that is you.
Even though he lives with her, it will be different from what he lived with you, so the comparison is irrelevant.
Change your mind
“The secret to change is focusing your energy on creating the new, not on fighting the old. “
After a reasonable time of withdrawal, one to two weeks maximum, you must force yourself to go out to see your friends, continue your activities (Sport, Yoga, Dance, etc.). Just because you’ve just been dumped doesn’t mean you have to give up your social life and spend your days moping on the bottom of your bed. Certainly, you are raw; you need time and calm at the risk of drowning yourself further. But, the action will make you think of something else. Act step by step, and project yourself a minimum. You just woke up completely depressed; try to do something your afternoon. Focus on your present. What are you going to do with your day?
Trust in life; it will take care of bringing you opportunities later when you are better while taking care of yourself. Do not remain inactive, at the risk of plunging further into depression.
Refocus on yourself
“Learn to leave a coward who leaves you”
Now it’s time to refocus on yourself, to think about yourself and your dreams. What were your goals before being with your man? When you were with your man, you thought for two like you were the same. However, love leads to illusion, and you end up believing that this man is becoming a part of you. Nothing is more wrong. You exist as a full individual. That’s why it’s important to refocus on yourself, on what you want. What do I want today, for me and just with me? You don’t need anyone to move on in life. Don’t be afraid to go beyond your dreams.
Now, focus on your unfulfilled life goals. Maybe you’ve always wanted to take a trip around the world, and your man refused you. Why not go alone?
Don’t hesitate to remove your ex from social media so that you don’t have a constant reminder of your relationship. The ideal is to cut all contact with him, until you have definitively turned the page of your story.
Forgive your EX
“Forgiveness is: self-respect, freeing oneself from a stiffening past, accepting oneself , appreciating oneself
Forgiveness is divine. Many people think that forgiving is a weakness. On the contrary, it takes great strength in yourself to forgive someone who has hurt us. Anger and the desire for revenge will not help you heal; on the contrary, a strong bond will attach you to your EX through these destructive emotions. Yes, you resent him for being happy for being well in his new relationship as you soak your pillow with tears every night, but life is inherently unfair, so don’t resist.
Your energy should not be directed towards him, but you. You must focus on yourself.
By forgiving your ex for the harm, he did to you, even if he made you suffer like no other, you freed yourself from him. You will understand that he did what he could and that he is only an imperfect human being. So let your pain serve you for something. May it allow you to evolve and progress. Know that time is your ally, for it will heal your wounds.
Mourn your relationship
“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. ”
Healing from a breakup also means giving up the fact that this man you loved so much will not be the father of your children, that you will not grow old with him. It is mourning the loss of a lifetime of two that you had imagined in your head. There will be no weddings, no house purchases, or a romantic trip around the world.
Yes, you were wrong when you were 100% sure you had finally found the right one. It’s painful to give up all those stillborn dreams, but you have no choice; life is betting on a fait accompli. If that had been the man of your life, he wouldn’t have left you, let alone to hang out with another woman. Your relationship existed, it was beautiful at one point, but now it’s a thing of the past. Just like the seasons that pass year after year, things change. We should not resist it but support the change as best we can. It’s not the end of the world, just the end of a period.
Close the book of your story
“Sometimes it’s hard to turn the page, but when you do, you realize it was the best decision to make”
When you’ve had exceptional times with a man, it’s hard to believe that you will be able to experience something similar, or even better, in the future with another person. You put your EX on a pedestal, and you compare him to every man that interests you a minimum, and you realize that there is no one better than him, because unconsciously it is HIM that you look for in the others.
After you have mourned your story, it will be time for you to meet new people and consider a possible relationship with another person. There is nothing better to forget about an EX for good than falling in love again. But for that, you have to stop dwelling on your lost love, that you understand that the best thing to live is in your future. To fall in love, you have to be really ready to move on. Don’t relate to a past that no longer exists, but focus on your present.
Each love story, just like each breakup, is unique. How long it takes to recover will depend on you and the hurt caused by this separation. Sometimes the pain is so deep that you never really heal, but you learn to live with that wound in your heart. Don’t let a man who left you decide the rest of your life. It’s up to you to find the courage to continue to enjoy life to the fullest.
Why he chooses someone else over you?
9 out of 10 times, women aren’t focusing on the right thing. They focus all their energy on this new companion. They concentrate all their strength to hate her from the depths of their souls when very often, she is only the result of a list of “small insignificant details” that mar their relationship. . A list however long as the arm.
Dissatisfaction with the relationship with one’s partner
Your man ended up telling you that he was going to go with someone else. He forgot to say that the very possibility of meeting a person did not exist before. When everything is going well in a couple, we do not look to the grass’s side is greener. This possibility, this idea, this desire arose directly from dissatisfaction in your relationship. And if he hasn’t told you, it’s because he’s the first one who hasn’t understood it yet.
It suffices to look at the testimonies of men who have decided to leave their girlfriends for another woman. Very often, there is first a strong, almost violent, physical attraction. They first try to push back the inevitable, which, by definition, always ends up happening because they let it happen. They rush body and soul into their new relationship. A relationship that very often does not last more than six months. This is when they take stock. They realize that their former couple was at a standstill and, therefore, at the origin of all these events.
A different break at each age
The causes, the processes and the behaviors are radically different according to the ages when we speak of rupture.
When you’re under 30, you can quickly throw everything upside down in response to too much frustration. We consider that we have neither the time nor the inclination to tolerate these kinds of feelings at this age. So obviously, we easily allow ourselves to start all over again. This is the opportunity to start from scratch and go on an adventure.
Between the ages of 30 and 55, family life takes precedence over the rest. This is the element that always pushes back the verdict of separation a little more because we think of the children, the financial difficulties, and the quiet life we have managed to build. The people who take the plunge are those who are betrayed or for whom the couple is nothing more than a source of frustration and pain, which no longer corresponds to the person we are. However, it is between 40 and 45 years that we separate the most.
Beyond 55 years, separations are rarer. Even though the divorce rate after a marriage of over 35 years has increased nine-fold in forty years, the retirement years remain the least divorce ones. Retirement is a big upheaval in the life of a couple. Previously separated 10 to 12 hours a day, lifelong lovers get together 24 hours a day. They can then recognize that their relationship has failed and decide to leave to take care of themselves, away from conflict or avoidance.