When you’re in love, everything seems to be like a fairy tale. But the months go by and you realize that the relationship is not going as planned. In this article we will talk about signs of a toxic relationship in couples , so that you can deduce if you are inside one.
Some of the classic alarm signs of of toxic relationship are:
1. Your partner still thinks about his ex: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Is this scenario familiar to you? That is, have you noticed that your partner does not miss the opportunity to talk about his ex?
Perhaps it seems an innocent comment about a memory of a situation of the past that resembles that of the present … to the point of comparing its current relationship with the one it had previously.
If you have already experienced the episode of saying, “My ex would never tell me that” or “My ex never does that,” I regret to inform you that this is an obvious sign of toxicity in your relationship.
The reason is simple: if the past seems more satisfying than the present for either, it is clearly not in the right place.
Unquestionably, making our partner feel bad will bring more conflicts. This will cause the relationship not to flow and that adds up to constant pointless discussions.
2. Lies are always present: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Lies become an indisputable sign of lack of trust and honesty. As much as an effort is made as a couple to regain confidence, this is what gradually corrodes the relationship and leads it to limits very close to toxicity. The claims will be the order of the day and it will always be appropriate to bring out the lies that have been told in the course of the relationship.
Many may consider that it is normal to lie from time to time, but really this should not be so, much less with the person with whom we are sharing our life in a romantic relationship.
And maybe it all starts with a half-truth about the time of departure from work or the family reunion where it could not take you, until you can hide those “extra consumptions” billed on your credit card. But when the lies are discovered (large or small), it is difficult to look at the couple again with the same eyes.
It is very difficult to trust again after one or several lies. It is not a matter of maturity or decision. The shadow of distrust will always be present. So it is best to leave the relationship when trust has already been lost.
3. Constantly watching you: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
This is one of the signs of a toxic relationship that usually happens in a subtle way and many do not see it as an indication that they are in a toxic relationship, but reality shows otherwise.
Never, under any circumstances, is it healthy to be aware of all the movements of our partner, because it is a clear sign of distrust of her and little love and courage towards our own lives.
So if your boy or girl is one of those who checks your phone, your computer and your social networks, it is a really toxic couple that is looking for the smallest detail to create conflicts and discussions.
4. Research your phone and / or social networks: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Social networks are often the cause of conflicts in toxic relationships. You must be very sure of knowing your partner and having enough confidence to not review or spy on their social networks.
Likewise, it is by no means normal for them to review their personal things mutually. This does not show that there is “much confidence,” but quite the opposite.
5. It isolates you: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Some toxic couples tend to isolate their partners. And when we talk about isolating, we mean that it literally seeks to cut off all contact with the outside environment.
If your partner forbids you to see yourself with your lifelong friendships, your family and doesn’t even want you to join the neighbors, it is isolating you from your surroundings so that your life revolves around only him (or her).
Watch out! This is extremely harmful, because if psychological abuse also becomes physical abuse, who could help you in time?
6. Play “stretch and loosen” so you have control
In the game of seduction everything is possible and it is normal to play a little “stretch and loosen up”, but if they already have a relationship this is not healthy and probably does it to keep you under their control.
So if you notice that he is very loving and then becomes indifferent, he is looking to attract your attention and even make you wonder if his attitude changes are your fault. And if you have already touched these limits in which you think you are the cause of its remoteness, the matter is not going well.
Obviously, depending on the attitude with which you face this situation you can lose interest and move away; but if you have unleashed codependence on yourself, it is likely that you have already fallen into this perverse game.
7. Always “start from scratch”: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Are those endless discussions familiar to you that bring the relationship to a momentary end? Do you find it even more familiar that after “ending” is not much time elapsed when they have returned to resume the relationship? Worse, is this scenario a constant in your dynamic partner?
Unfortunately, you have already fallen into the terrible “start from scratch” game. And most likely, your toxic partner is the one that always ends the relationship and it is you who come back asking for “apologies” and asking for one more chance to save the relationship because … you love her.
Let me tell you that this is nothing more than a dangerous manipulation game where your partner only seeks to have control of the relationship. If it has already happened at least twice, believe me, he knows he can take you to the breaking ground and then bring you to his arms. You fell into their manipulation network!
It will never be healthy to be in a vicious circle of a relationship based on the “end – come back – end”. If something is not working in a way that both feel satisfied, happy and fully mature to cope with the discussions (and not reach the breaking point), do you think it will change? I do not think so! Run away before you can literally get hurt!
8. Try to control your actions: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Has it happened to you that your partner tells you not to cut your hair? Don’t go to work with this or that outfit? What do you try to get off work a little earlier? That you cancel that departure that you have been planning with your friends for days?
Great care! In a direct or subtle way you are trying to control your actions so that you behave as he (or she) wishes.
While a suggestion as to your look is perfectly valid, it should never become an imposition that limits your decisions. If it suggests that you don’t make certain purchases, for the benefit of the economy in common, that’s fine. What is wrong is that it constantly represses you from buying what you like and you only acquire what he (or she) tells you.
A relationship is two and, therefore, decisions must be agreed. The extremes will never be healthy in any relationship and less if it is a couple dynamic.
9. Do not value your details and efforts
Are you familiar with the feeling that it seems that you are doing nothing right? That no matter how hard you try to please and please your partner, nothing satisfies you? What is not able to thank you for making dinner when you arrive tired after a long day’s work?
A couple is a team. So you have to be there ready for when the other requires our attention. But it makes no sense that you dedicate yourself to having certain details with that person and that you do not receive the slightest thanks for your gesture.
Worse, it is unacceptable that your effort is not valued. Do you think that, under this scenario, you can expect your partner to behave in the same way as you? Do you really think that your partner strives to be thoughtful and delivered with you?
10. Despise your hobbies, likes or hobbies
When a relationship begins, everything is beautiful and perfect, even those hobbies we hate in other people. But if as you go, you notice that the attitude of your partner is to despise your hobbies or hobbies, even to question your tastes or hobbies, something definitely does not go well.
As long as the tastes and hobbies of one do not interfere or affect those of the other, there is no reason to despise them. And in the event that, for some reason, such hobbies are not shared, we must respect what satisfies the couple, without falling into pejorative attitudes.
11. Verbal or physical abuse of you
The forms of abuse and violence include both verbal and physical abuse. This is something that many people still today do not seem to differentiate, because they consider that only physical aggressions constitute abuse or violence. But it’s not like that.
In fact, studies confirm that the first signs that we are in a relationship with a violent person are offensive expressions and psychological abuse through words.
Does your partner constantly offend you and humiliate you? Does it make you feel like a being inferior to her? Have you reached the point of raising your hand with the gesture of hitting you? Worse, has he already dared to physically assault you, even if he squeezed your arms and left the mark?
Be careful! All these are clear indications that you are not only with a toxic person, but violent and that you can commit worse acts that threaten your physical and moral integrity.
Under no circumstances should you accept verbal abuse and much less physical, because that is detrimental to your dignity and self-esteem. When a person really loves us, he would hardly do anything to make us feel bad.
Read more: How To Influence A Man
12. It compares you to other people (even ex-partners)
One of the worst things they can do to us is to compare ourselves with other people. Let our partner see that we have a better reference than she hurts … and much!
If your partner usually tells you things like: “my mom doesn’t make meatballs like that” or “my ex-girlfriend would never wear that dress you’re wearing” … Unfortunately you’re in front of a toxic person! And that not only criticizes you, but minimizes you and is able to lower your self-esteem in a second.
Value yourself and release that relationship! You do not deserve to feel less alone because a toxic person, deep down, what you want is to “thank” him to be by your side, despite your “imperfections.”
Phrases like “My ex girlfriend didn’t do this” or “She was better at such a thing” appear frequently in your relationship?
Such comments can only imply two things. That one of the two still does not surpass his ex, or that he is trying to use the comparatives to manipulate the other or make him feel bad.
These comments make us feel that the current couple is not enough, making it miserable within the relationship.
13. You go out of your way to make him happy
A frequent attitude on the part of those who are in a toxic relationship and constantly bombarded by negative messages of dissatisfaction and even guilt, is to go out of their way to make the other person happy.
Your happiness goes to the background, because now you just tirelessly look for your partner to feel satisfied, full and happy to be by your side. Your life loses meaning and autonomy, because you focus on what that person wants and demands.
If you feel identified with this attitude, let me tell you that you not only waste your time and energy, but also your self-esteem and value for someone who simply will not care about anything you do.
14. Has a passive-aggressive attitude
And this is one of the most obvious signs that you have a really toxic person by your side.
Surely you place well those moments in which your partner everything is really annoying, you can even think that your presence is, but it does not tell you directly what bothers you.
So, you don’t know how to react, because since nothing tells you about it, you don’t know what is happening. And that’s where its toxic strategy lies to control you.
To this you must also add the manipulative phrases that indirectly give you the feeling that it allows you to do something, although it bothers you, such as: “Enjoy the night with your friends, while I will be alone at home” .
15. You are not happy
At this signal there is not much to say: if you simply do not feel happy next to that person, any sign of the previous ones must be present in your relationship and that creates dissatisfaction and weariness.
Although problems and discussions exist in any couple, dealing with them with maturity and respect is a guarantee that the relationship will flow in a healthy way. Otherwise, it is possible that the beautiful feeling is transformed into misery.
16. Have constant fights
Constant fights, especially those caused by trivial and insignificant things, may imply that the goal is not to solve a problem as such, but simply to discuss.
This happens when discussions are used as pretexts to hurt or dominate the other.
17. It bothers you that you spend time with your family
In a toxic relationship, it is common for one of the members to try to socially isolate the other as much as possible. And this includes the family itself.
The reason is that he is trying to become the only valid influence for the person, and he fears that his relatives will make him see reality or make him move away.
18. Control your personal expenses
One thing is that you work and give him the card at some times because he needs something or you want to give him something at an exit and another very different one is that he wants to take complete control of your expenses, since he must understand that it is your money.
It is important that you remind him that you work hard to spoil him from time to time, however, you have needs. If you work it is because you want it and you have every right to decide what to do with the money you earn.
19. Feel exaggerated jealousy
Jealousy tends to be one of the most serious problems in toxic relationships. You must tell your partner that you had a life before he arrived and that you do not intend to leave it for him, so it is completely normal that you want to go out occasionally with your friends and family.
However, a certain level of jealousy is normal, since there will be times that it will be you who tells you not to go out alone with a certain person, because she is very interested in your partner. Ideally, both set their limits and talk about them so they can avoid future discussions.
20. Plan your life
That someone else is the one who makes the decisions in your life is something really uncomfortable and frustrating. You should avoid these types of situations and let your partner know that, even if they are together, you have the right to decide what you want to do with your life.
Many times toxic relationships tend to start because your partner wants to be close to you at all times, forcing you to get involved in activities you don’t want to do.
21. Ask you for favors with prices
Many couples become toxic because when they are arguing they say “I did this for you, so now it’s your turn.” When someone is loved, you do not demand anything in return, since you feel comfortable doing something for him or her.
If your partner tells you something like this at some point, you must inform him that you do not feel comfortable when he demands a price. Ask him how it would feel if you did the same and find a solution through the conversation.
22. I despise you
Those comments of “without me you are nothing” are never good, these harsh words can cause you pain and lower your self-esteem. Many toxic couples tend to make these kinds of comments, in order to create an emotional dependence.
If your partner comes to tell you something like this, you have to know that you are a valuable person and that you don’t need anything or anyone to keep shining.
It is best that you talk and tell him that you will not tolerate another insult like this, but if he keeps doing it, you should get as far away as you can and find someone who does know how to value you.
23. Fear of reprimand or question
Toxic relationships tend to occur when someone dominant and offensive begins to manipulate and question the ideas of their partner, whom they consider as someone weak.
The most sensible thing is that if you find yourself facing someone who wants to dominate you, move away from him and decide to be with someone who does value your ideas and way of being.
24. Criticize the way you dress
It is normal for your boyfriend to let you know if one garment suits you better than another or if the red color would be better for the occasion, what is not normal is that it prohibits you certain type of garments or that you demand to wear what he has decided for you.
If you start making offensive or derogatory comments about why you are wearing this skirt or that flannel does not fit you, you should imply that you manage to please yourself and not for him.
However, you should know how to differentiate between constructive and destructive criticism since, sometimes, comments about your dress are not made to hurt you, but it is simply letting you know your opinion.
25. Excess paternal love
There are several types of love and sometimes people tend to confuse them. What we want to explain to you is that you cannot let your partner pretend to be your father, since this could become a toxic relationship.
If your partner intends to become your father figure or let you be, it means that he has emotional problems and you probably cannot have a normal and stable relationship with that person.
If they want to solve this, it is necessary to seek professional help, in order to overcome any type of trauma they had in their childhood and that now prevents them from having a good relationship.
26. It downplays your virtues
Many times, the beginning of toxic relationships is usually that as time passes, they become demanding, selfish and stop worrying about the welfare and happiness of the other.
When someone agrees to be with you, they agree to accept you as you are and strive to achieve a future together. Do not let your partner feel forgotten, both must be conquered every day to keep the flame alive.
Also, they should rejoice over their achievements and never belittle each other. If your partner does not pay attention to you, you should talk to him and solve it, if not, you should get out of there and look for someone who knows how to value you and encourages you to be better.
27. Their problems are more important than yours
When the relationship is toxic, it is normal to have discussions all the time. The biggest problem when communicating is that one of the two does not want to listen to the other, because he feels that his problems are nothing compared to his own.
Life is never easy and we all have problems, but we also deserve to be heard and if possible, be helped. If your partner is seriously interested in you, he would never underestimate your problems, knowing that you are important and will do his best to find a solution together.
28. In the middle of an argument, he must always be right.
As much as some people find it hard to accept it, it is impossible for a person to always be right, because mistakes exist and are very frequent. Being in a relationship, you may have to give in to many situations, to avoid problems.
If you want to have a good relationship, it is important that you discuss problems calmly without raising your voice. The ideal is to exchange ideas without belittling anyone and decide an agreement between them.
29. Blames you for outside actions: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Although mistakes are very frequent, they will not always happen because of you. If your partner is blaming you for anything that happens, even when you know that it was he who originated the conflict, you should let him know that he was the one who started all this.
A mature person is able to accept their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions.
30. Make decisions that affect both without asking
We have already mentioned it, everyone deserves to be heard, so your partner cannot ignore your opinion at any time. Remember that you are as involved in the relationship as he is, so it is important that you make the decisions together.
If you allow your partner to do it once, you may do so many more times, so, even if it is something unimportant, I should listen to you and value your opinion. That way you will be promoting effective communication between the two.
31. You are forbidden to talk about your relationship with your family members
Normally, when a problem arises and you need to let off steam, you are looking for a close person to do so, most of the time this person is a relative. If your partner does not want you to talk to them about the problems that exist in your relationship, you probably feel limited and self-conscious.
You should let him know that you think about it and that your relatives are not his enemies. If your family is important to you, he must respect it and value your feelings towards them.
32. You avoid explaining certain problems because you take it wrong
In a toxic relationship, communication is limited, as there will be certain issues that will not be tolerated by your partner. This will make you feel uncomfortable and insecure.
You should avoid this situation and talk to him, since you need to be able to feel comfortable and free within the relationship. This means that you should be able to tell him everything you want without fearing his reaction.
33. He wants to know everything about you
Although communication is an important aspect in the relationship, excesses can become very bad. We mean that your partner does not need to know exactly everything about you, it is fine if you want to tell it, but it should not require you to keep it aware of your situation every five minutes.
If your partner wants to know everything about you, he probably created a dependency, which could mark the beginning of a toxic relationship for both.
34. He can’t live without you: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
If your partner cannot live without you, it is probably not love he feels, but obsession and needs professional help to get out of there.
When you are in a relationship, you must understand that you do not need your partner, you have simply decided to share your life with her. It is not the same to love a person who cannot live without it.
35. You have sex just to please him: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
Sex plays a very important role within the couple. However, it is normal that there are situations in which you do not feel like having relationships and your partner should understand this. If you feel forced to have sex, you probably don’t enjoy it and you might even hate it.
36. Excessive envy: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
As a human being, you must understand that you will not always be the best, so you must learn to be a good loser. However, when you feel that the relationship is ending, this can frustrate you and find ways to save, even if they are badly intended.
It may also happen that the fear of losing you will start to envy your achievements, because you will feel that your success is moving you away from you.
37. Is exaggeratedly loving with you: Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
For women, it is a dream to have a loving man by the side and have no regard to show their affection whenever and wherever. But when your show of love already borders exaggerated limits, believe me, this is not right.
Interestingly, psychologists have determined that the most manipulative people often use excessive sympathy, kindness and affection to have those around them on their side. He would hardly doubt the good intentions of someone like that, right?
So if your partner is exaggeratedly loving, be careful! This can be a manipulation strategy for you to become codependent of your affection.
That is, it accustoms you to his constant and overdose love, and then slowly withdraw it and get your attention when for some reason you “cut off” the supply of affection, or eventually something happens that endangers his love for you.
Watch out! When you first feel afraid of losing your love, you have already fallen into the networks of their manipulation and have become dependent on their affection. Just what I wanted to have you in your hands! Nothing more toxic than someone manipulator who has dominated the couple.
Test to know if you have a toxic relationship
In order to recognize the toxic relationships of couples, you must answer a series of questions: does your partner constantly fight with you? Are there communication problems between the two? Have you felt that your partner is no longer the same?
If the answer is yes, you should probably seek help, as you are in a toxic relationship.
How to get out of a toxic relationship?
If you are in this type of relationship, you have two possible solutions: the first is to end it before it is too late and you cannot repair the damage. The second is that you talk with your partner and commit to solve all the problems that exist between them.
What is a toxic relationship?
You know that you are in a toxic relationship when you feel uncomfortable, sad, angry or with any other negative emotion. If you feel that you cannot be yourself and fear your partner, this may also indicate that you are in a bad relationship.
Solution of a toxic relationship
First of all, you should talk with your partner, let him know your feelings and find a solution, if they can’t do it, they should seek help from a professional.
If your partner does not agree to talk about this, you should get away from this relationship as quickly as you can, because, over time, you could feel worse.
Phrases of a toxic relationship
There are certain phrases that may indicate that you are in a toxic relationship. Some examples are: “you are too much for me”, “I will never be at your height”, “you are everything to me”, “without me you are nobody”, “you need me more than I need you” or “without you I can’t live.”
What are the aftermath of a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship could leave you with serious emotional and psychological wounds. First of all, it could lower your self-esteem, making you not value yourself and stealing your goals and dreams, which in turn could make you go into depression.
In addition, it can diminish your confidence in yourself and in the people around you, it will make you doubt everyone, making you live with a feeling of constant fear and stress.
Toxic relationships are much more common than people think. People within them tend to hide from the world, making it difficult for them to receive the help they need.
Therefore, it is important that you know how to recognize if you are inside one, so you will know how you can solve it and prevent it from affecting you too much.