When a person feels that my boyfriend treats me badly when they are angry, it is important, especially and as a first step, to ask for help and advice in this regard. We all get angry and we can, in some moments of lack of personal control, unfairly assault our partner. However, when this style of personal conflict resolution becomes the norm, it is important to remain vigilant and seek social support to stop this abuse and prevent further abuse.
From Bigmatrimonial, we will explain below what social, cultural and personal factors favor situations of abuse in couples, we will clarify what are the specific situations of abuse and we will guide you on the steps and strategies to follow to modify these dysfunctional operations or stop them.
My partner makes me feel bad when he gets angry
The dating violence among adolescents and young people in recent years has become, unfortunately, a social problem with serious consequences at individual and social level. In several studies carried out in different countries, it has been found that abuse, in general (verbal, psychological, physical, sexual, etc.) occurs in children between 16 and 24 years of age, a higher percentage than in other age groups (between 18 and 33%).
There are many cases of young people who say “my partner makes me feel bad when he gets angry . ” This situation would reflect a type of abuse, the psychological, apparently invisible but with terrible psychological consequences on the victim and which serves as a precedent, in many cases, for the legitimization of other abusive behaviors.
The risk factors that serve as a breeding ground so that both aggressor and victim end up identifying with these roles derive from the current capitalist and patriarchal system where essentially human needs and values have been replaced by artificialities and deceits that fill us with frustration and aggressiveness. / helplessness and that end up causing situations of discrimination and abuse. The values that feed this type of society and that promote this situation of abuse among young people are:
- The superiority of men over women, which culturally transmits gender stereotypes in an evident or subtle way (advertising, aesthetic values, gender inequalities in all areas, etc.).
- The superiority of the strong against the weak, in cases of mistreatment of men by their partners.
- The invisibility of the importance of motherhood and upbringing, from gestation to adolescence (through instrumentalized deliveries, minimal maternal leave, no family and work conciliation, early schooling, etc.), as a source of gestation for emotional stability and human values.
- Rigid and expired educational institutions that neglect the true emotional and affective needs of children and adolescents, leaving them helpless and without resources in the face of fears, loneliness and frustrations and with weak emotional bases to carry out their adult life project.
- Socio-economic inequalities , which favor maladaptive and emotionally and psychologically maladaptive family and social functions.
- The promotion of values such as consumerism, immediacy, individualism and self-centeredness in the face of austerity, patience and calm, union and solidarity.
Lack of respect in the couple: examples
All the aforementioned factors are related to each other, causing unbalanced social interactions and, in the specific case we are dealing with, disrespectful couple relationships . Some clear examples that show the lack of respect in the couple are the following:
- Contempt and humiliating treatment
- Teasing, criticism and humiliation
- Verbally, physically or sexually assaulting
- Control, limit and censor
- Lack of empathy and respect
- Lying and hiding relevant aspects
- Lack of loyalty
- Ignore, make the void, do not listen or speak
- Blackmail, blame
Why my boyfriend treats me bad when he gets mad
The reasons why a person can mistreat his partner and, equally, a person allows himself to be mistreated by his partner have, as we mentioned previously, a very important socio-cultural substrate. As a result, two types of personality patterns with very particular characteristics are developed that will be possible precursors to generate these situations of abuse.
In the case of the aggressor, these are people with the following characteristics:
- Negative image of themselves, covered by an apparent security
- Lack of impulse control
- Aggressive communication style
- Lack of empathy
- Low level of emotional intelligence
- Negative-defensive attitude towards life
Regarding the victim, we would talk about:
- Negative image of herself
- Personal devaluation
- Submissive and obedient behaviors
- Inhibited or passive communication style
- Conflict resolution by avoidance or inhibition
- Negative-depressive attitude towards life
Although not all cases correspond to these behavioral patterns (neither in victims nor in aggressors), these aspects can serve as a diagnosis of the level of abuse in a relationship with a partner, and from there take intervention measures in this regard.
What to do when your partner disrespects you
Unfortunately, while these dysfunctional couple relationships can be the result of personality structures with emotional deficiencies created at the beginning by our social system, many aspects of these interactions are normalized by the members of the couple themselves (aggressor and / or victim) or even because of their immediate social environment.
However, taking into account the aforementioned aspects of lack of respect in the couple, when these factors occur, it is necessary to intervene quickly to modify the situation or, if this is not possible, end the relationship. The most convenient measures to reverse the abuse situation would be:
- Become aware of the abuse situation
- Seek social (family and friends), institutional (social services and social protection agents) and professional (psychologists, mediators and professionals in the sector) support
- Carry out self-care work and personal growth (both in the case of the victim and the aggressor) to restore the lost emotional balance or to create a secure emotional base, which until now did not exist.
Work on developing emotional intelligence is used as a tool to prevent (and curb) emotional abuse in couples. In this sense, the most important areas to work on would be:
- Intrapersonal : developing self-concept, self-esteem, assertiveness, emotional self-awareness and independence.
- Interpersonal : working empathy and interpersonal relationships.
- Adaptability : offering problem-solving strategies and developing an attitude of openness and flexibility in the face of changes and / or frustrations.
- Stress management : working with stress tolerance and impulse control.
- Mood and Motivation : Encourage positive and action-motivated mood.
In reality, although incorporating this type of emotional work in schools is important, it will be essential to continue acting in all other social spheres that, as we have mentioned previously, are a source of food for abuse in young people and many other inequalities. social. Intervening and changing the root of the problems is the best preventive to prevent their gestation and development.
This article my boyfriend treats me bad is merely informative, in Bigmatrimonial we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.