All relationships have their ups and downs, their peaks and their chasms. On many occasions, we consider that going through a bad time is normal and that sooner or later it will come to an end, so we do not realize that it has been months or years without the relationship showing signs of improvement. Sometimes we pretend not to accept that our partner can no longer provide us with the happiness that it gave us in the beginning, so we ignore the signs that our relationship sends us, and that are nevertheless present in our daily lives. Here are ten possible major signs of a failing relationship that something is wrong, although they do not necessarily imply that the situation is insurmountable or that we cannot do our part to overcome it.
Few couples work if they are not able to trust the other to tell them anything
1.- You no longer have sex with your partner
In contemporary society, most people consider that the vitality of a love relationship is closely linked to a good sex life. Although it does not always have to be this way, it is true that a complete disappearance of sexual encounters is a sign that something is wrong, especially if the situation continues over time. Sometimes it is due to problems of a sexual nature that need to be solved from a medical point of view. Other times it is something transitory, related to stress and fatigue. But on other occasions, it is that we no longer even consider the possibility of sleeping with our partner, a clear sign that something is wrong.
2.- Privacy has disappeared
The first days, months, weeks, and years of a relationship are often filled with cuddles, kisses, and other physical expressions of sentimental closeness. The disappearance of such signs of affection is a sign that we have distanced ourselves from our partner, since we no longer see the need to express ourselves in a way that feels our affection. It is normal that over time we reduce our manifestations in this sense, but if it has been months that we have not even been able to kiss our partner good night, it may be time to rethink our relationship.
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3.- It’s hard for you to count things
The ideal partner is, at least at first, one who understands you perfectly, who listens carefully to everything you say and who seems to have known you since your childhood. Few couples work if they cannot trust each other to tell them anything. If you notice that you no longer feel the same need to talk to your partner and tell him about your day to day, your fears and ambitions, insecurities and desires, and you prefer to tell them to a friend, relative or stranger, it is likely that your relationship is starting to unravel . It can also happen that, no matter how much you want your partner to listen to you, they are indifferent, are not interested in what you are saying or do not directly understand what you want to tell them: a bad sign.
4.- You always call
A two-way and more or less symmetrical communication is vital in a couple. At the dawn of the relationship, when lovers meet for the first time, the desire to be with the other is so strong that contact will usually be attempted by both parties. Although it is usually difficult for both members of the couple to act exactly the same, the moment one stops calling, contacting, writing or taking time to meet their partner and it is the other who makes all the effort to make an appointment , it is likely that the person who ignores the possibility of contact has lost much of the interest in their partner.
Arguments can be relatively frequent in a relationship and can be healthy
5.- You see your friends more than your partner
A negative consequence of love commitment is abandoning our friends and family to spend all the time absorbed by our partner. Similarly, reversing the situation and letting the time we spend with our friends exceed the time we spend with our partners is a sign that something is wrong. We must also ask ourselves why we cause the relationship with our partner and our friends to be something exclusive, when in most cases they can be combined without problems, so that our boyfriend or husband is also part of our circle of friends.
6.- The fun has disappeared
Every healthy romantic relationship generates happiness, satisfaction and implies a certain degree of fun, even if the members of the couple are serious people. It is part of the intimacy of the couple to have fun together without needing anything else, as well as trying to surprise your partner in very different ways. When the relationship is prolonged in time, it is normal for it to normalize and the attempts to surprise it are reduced, but if we never have a good time, we no longer do leisure activities and we do not see the need to innovate in our lives in partner, it is probably because we are no longer able to have fun with it.
7.- The fights are continuous and do not offer solutions
Arguments can be relatively frequent in a relationship, and they can even be useful, if they serve to solve problems or highlight situations that one of the members of the couple feels as unfair. However, there is another type of confrontation quite common in relationships that are over, and it is the one that does not have a clear object, it is made up of an infinity of small reproaches and never leads to a reconciliation, but rather to a greater unresolved tension. It is an unbearable situation in which the healthiest thing is to end the relationship.
When a love relationship begins to falter, it is likely that your partner spends more time at work.
8.- No future plans are made
At the beginning of each relationship, there is a tendency to carry out a long list of activities to do together or hypothetical trips, although many times they are unrealizable or too ambitious claims. It does not matter, because the important thing is not so much to carry out those plans as to propose a common scenario in the future. When such situations no longer arise, it is likely because we no longer feel that pressing need to do things together. This is one of the clearest examples that our relationship is over: if you cannot envision a common future, it is probably because you do not have one.
9.- Your family and friends realize that something is wrong
In a great number of occasions, the vision that others have of us is much more certain than the one we have of ourselves. One of these situations is life as a couple, in which it is difficult to distance ourselves from the situation to understand how the relationship is affecting our lives. When a recurring comment among our circle of friends is that they see us badly, that they do not understand our partner’s behavior towards us or they think we are unhappy , it is likely that sooner or later, perhaps too late, we will realize that indeed so is. Another very different thing is the cursing and perverse comments motivated by envy or misunderstanding.
10.- Your partner always has a job
When a couple starts dating, it is normal to take time where there is none. Hours at work pass slowly, the day is long, and the nights are short. However, when a love relationship begins to show symptoms of exhaustion, it is likely that your partner spends more time at work, signs up for more events related to it, dines or goes out to party with his colleagues … It is a way of pointing out that he is trying to avoid you, and that in fact he prefers to share his time with those he sees for eight hours a day, than with you. If the excuse for not seeing you is always that he has a lot of work, it is likely that on more than one occasion he has lied to you.
Eric Cameron is a passionate relationship coach and counselor with a focus on helping couples reconnect and build strong and lasting relationships. He has years of experience working with couples and helping them to understand the intricacies of healthy relationships. He also provides guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship and deal with difficult topics. Eric’s approach is tailored specifically to the couple’s needs and he has a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw upon.