- 1 Lack of communication in the couple: what to do
- 2 Some communication problems in couples
- 3 Psychology tips to improve communication with your partner
Communication is the basis of trust in a relationship. Communication is the basis of understanding, dialogue and respect. Two people meet at a certain moment in their lives, however, from there they advance and evolve.
For this reason, communication makes it possible to update expectations regarding reality itself. A happy couple forms a good team that collaborates to achieve common goals, for example, to improve communication. In bigmatrimonial we tell you how to improve communication in a relationship with a lot of empathy and respect.
Lack of communication in the couple: what to do
Below, we share some basic tips to reinforce dialogue in the relationship.
Diagnosis of the situation
It is very important that two people assume what is happening to them, identifying this area of improvement in love. It is impossible to generate significant change if there is no real awareness of change . If you feel away from your partner despite being physically together, this may be an obvious sign of absence of dialogue. Another sign is one that manifests itself with dialogues that end in frequent discussions.
Overcome fear to fear
The lack of communication between partners can cause a blockage in the form of fear of disruption or that this situation has no solution. Without a doubt, doing nothing only exacerbates mistrust. Therefore, it faces the situation to be able to influence it in a significant way.
Quality of the message
You live in a time when you have so many interpersonal media to express to yourself that this can lead you into the trap of confusing quantity with quality of conversations. From now on, he tries to value words that feed the relationship through attitudes that add a boost of confidence. However, avoid saturating yourself and your partner with infinite words that transform into emotional noise. Don’t forget that silence is as important as sound.
Communication courses for couples
A human being has the capacity to love, however, that does not mean that he cannot learn to love better. In fact, training is an interesting asset in relation to this point. A couples communication workshop can be an excellent experience to discover tools and resources with which to redirect a blocking situation.
You can also read books on this subject and share your impressions about reading. If you want to know more about this type of course, you can consult the following article about games and exercises for couples therapy .
Therapy against assumptions
With how many hypotheses and supposed charges in your emotional backpack? Those ideas that are nothing more than assumptions without a clear foundation, fall under their own weight from a tool as valuable as the word that bridges two people who love each other. Therefore, if you have doubts about a certain topic, ask. And listen carefully to the answer.
Keys to effective affective communication:
1. It is more appropriate to make a request or a suggestion, than a criticism or an order. Imperatives and direct criticism are aggressive and create a defensive or attacking posture. It is not the same “Pass me the salt!” that “could you pass me the salt?” .. or “Let me speak!” I would like to finish explaining this to you without interruptions. The tone of course is also important.
2. It is preferable to ask questions rather than accusations. Reproaches or accusations are direct attacks that only trigger defense, and will lead nowhere. It is different, even if it means the same thing, to say “are you listening to me?” that “you’re not listening to me again!”
3. It is preferable to speak of concrete facts, of what the person “does”, avoiding putting labels on what “is”.Labels do not help the person to change, rather the opposite, they hinder the posture of understanding, flexibility and predisposition to change. Also, the other person may feel judged and hurt. It is not the same: «you have forgotten to take out the garbage again. You are a disaster; that: «you have forgotten to take out the garbage again. Lately you forget a lot of things ».
4. It is preferable to communicate complaints assertively, and not accumulate them. since they would produce an explosion that would lead to destructive hostility. It is about raising complaints or discomfort at the moment and in an assertive way, trying not to hurt the feelings of the other and looking for solutions, improvement options.
5. It is convenient to discuss the topics one by one, not “take advantage” of what is being discussed about one thing to bring up other topics. Jumping from one topic to another prevents us from solving the issues and reaching conclusions, taking advantage of the fact that we are talking about one thing to reproach others does not help.
6. It is preferable to avoid generalizations. The terms “always and” never “are seldom true and tend to form labels. It is different to say: “lately I see something absent” than “you are always in the clouds.”
7. Think before speaking. Sometimes impulsiveness can play against it . Some things should be thought before being said, especially if the consequences are not going to be positive. »Lately I feel colder about you. I don’t know if I still like you »it can be very sincere, but it would be necessary to wait before throwing the couple that jug of cold water. Maybe it’s just a passing feeling without any importance. If it really is not, there is always time to consider it.
8. Verbal communication must be consistent with non-verbal communication. Saying “if you already know I love you” with an annoyed face will leave the other person worse than if nothing had been said.
Some communication problems in couples
To know how to improve communication with your partner, you should ask yourself the following question: What are the failures that make some couples become stuck in an incommunicado situation?
- Neglecting what is truly important. In a moment so marked by the weight of continuous occupation, it is possible for a person to prioritize what appears to be more immediate, assuming his own love. Your relationship also occupies you as the protagonist.
- Technological interruptions. A person is not attentive to what their partner says just because they are in the same room. Technological dependency can be a disorder for dialogue in the form of an energy thief.
- Dispersion in communication. If you are dealing with a current issue, do not make this issue an excuse to bring back to the present issues of the past even if they have some kind of relationship with what is happening now. This is a frequent flaw in discussions.
- Prioritize individuality over us. Two people who love each other maintain their own autonomy and essence. However, when individuality steals any space from us, communication acquires a different point of view from the position of both. The “win-win” scheme is in the background before the priority of “I win-you lose”.
- Not taking into account what is important to your partner. Communication does not support a linear point of view. Talk to your partner about what is vital in relation to communication according to their point of view and, in turn, express your own arguments. In this way, you can both take into account the expectations of the other and their own codes.
Psychology tips to improve communication with your partner
If dialogue is important in love, it is essential to organize plans in which the word is the protagonist:
- A film session. You can chat with your partner in a later dialogue about the values of the plot, the most interesting characters, the emotions of the outcome or any subjective assessment.
- A journey. Sometimes, it is advisable to mark a distance from the usual routine to meet your partner in a different setting and be able to relive the passion in the couple.
- A ride. This is an example of how dialogue can be practiced through a routine as simple as walking through a green area.
- A weekend dinner. After lunch, the subsequent gathering can lead to interesting conversations without the rush of Monday.
- Cook together. The home becomes a setting for rest and leisure where you can enjoy activities as simple as preparing new cooking recipes. A plan that can also be combined with conversation.
Therefore, couple communication is a vital resource to feed love with the seed of hope in the form of words and constructive silences.
This article improve communication in a relationship is merely informative, in bigmatrimonial we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.