Do they feel they get on and off the roller coaster of emotions but are they too afraid or are you too addicted to get away of hurting relationship?
Are you in love with a person who breaks your heart, who crushes you, makes you feel unloved, unwanted? Do you get on and off the roller coaster of emotions but are you too scared or are you too addicted to this person to get away?
It is very possible that you are in a very hurting relationship, and maybe even you are willing to change but it turns out that the other person is not, and you do not even know if this person is really hurting or is simply a “good” person to rescue Of his own demons.
We Get Confused With Their Behaviors
One day is intense, super romantic, tells you beautiful things and then for days and weeks even ignores you.
Talk about all the wonderful things he would love to do with you, you think there really is a future in this relationship, but then it comes in as “amnesia” and nothing changes, keeps disappearing and ignoring your messages.
Sometimes it does something that fills you with hope, and you convince yourself that you even think there might be nothing better outside.
And you stay there, stuck, waiting, waiting. Every day more lost from yourself. You become obsessed with the person, you cannot relax or think about anything other than him / her.
You try to “change”, to be the person you think he / she wants, always hoping that he falls in love with you, you may even blame yourself and think that you simply do not know how to handle the situation so things are going well.
Love Must Not Feel So…
The problem is that when we face a person with hurting characteristics, we immediately try to understand how we can change it and make it a better version of person, instead of just walking away.
Why Is It So Difficult To Get Away From A Hurting Person?
hurting people also have positive qualities that can be very attractive. And this is one of the great reasons why you don’t want to get away and prefer to stay and insist.
Some of these qualities are so powerful, so addictive, that it is as if you cannot resist. This person may be extremely romantic, passionate, knows how to tell you those things you want to hear, and makes you feel soo special. This makes you feel so loved and desired, until you walk away again.
If you are like most people who are in a hurting relationship, you know that you often make excuses for that man or woman: You tell your family, friends that you are not a bad person, that you are simply going through a bad time (which may be lasting years).
You try to convince him to change his behaviors, you blame yourself for the things that are wrong in the relationship, and many times the other person blames you too.
You get to the point of feeling ashamed to tell others how they behave with you, and to know that you cannot get away from that hurting relationship even if your heart is breaking.
Let’s say it one more time: LOVE IS NOT THAT, LOVE DOESN’T LAST YOU IN THIS FORM.
And as the first step in solving this is that you really dare to be honest with yourself, and that you recognize that you are in a hurting relationship of abuse, abuse, heartbreak: a hurting relationship.
There Are Some Points That Can Help You Open Your Eyes:
It bothers you that you spend time with your friends or family. Control your personal expenses, keep unnecessary control over your bank accounts, or ask for explanations about your bills.
Research your social networks and your mobile phone. It does not respect your privacy. Constantly ask for your schedules and plan your life without asking for your opinion.
When he does you a favor, he demands that you compensate him immediately.He despises you and makes you understand that without him / her you would not be anyone nor could you move on.
In family gatherings or with friends, you avoid giving your opinion about something for fear of reprimanding or questioning yourself.
He usually uses emotional blackmail with you: if you don’t do what he / she wants, get angry.
Notes that every time you spend time with someone of the opposite sex, your partner gets annoyed and becomes jealous, forcing you not to see that person anymore.
It treats you with an excess of paternalism and over protection.
Attitudes Of Disrespect And Conflict
It gets in your way of dressing, tries to influence in bad ways so that you change your style, etc.It detracts from your achievements, your qualities.
Minimizes problems and blames you for always complaining about everything.In case of discussion, you are the person who always gives in because if you don’t do it, I may ignore you for days.
He blames you for his personal and work problems.He is always reminding you of all the mistakes and mistakes you made in the past.
You have stopped telling your family, friends and relatives a couple’s problems because you know that if he / she finds out, he would ride in anger.
You avoid explaining problems or talking about certain issues with him / her because you know he would take it badly.
He addresses you with demands and bad manners very frequentlyMake decisions that affect both without asking for your opinion, and even without informing you.
Hurting Attitudes In The Sexual Field
Notes that you have sexual relations with him / her even though you do not feel like it, just to please their desires or to avoid getting angry.
Blackmails you or demands that you do sexual practices that you don’t like.It compares you to other sexual partners of your past.
How To Break The Hurting Patterns Of The Way You Interact.
For you to experience love and support, always. Yes, we need to change something in the way we accept these relationships. Find the way back to us, to those unique, happy people we can be.
We need to put the energy in ourselves, in our personal work instead of losing ourselves in the other person. Begin to recognize that we are not “one”, that we have our individuality, our own being and that we do not depend on that other person to be well.
Stop treating the symptom. You look like someone addicted to this other person. You feel very bad when things do not go as you wish, but the good is so good that you endure everything else, you can’t help it. You convince yourself that that’s love and you just can’t leave.
Then you try to “fix” what is wrong in the relationship, you are trying to cure the symptom. If he ignores you, he treats you badly, he disappears, you create all kinds of excuses and you keep trying to fix them.
And when you only focus on those negative qualities and try to fix what is wrong at the moment and you do not see the relationship in its entirety, it is as if you want to cure a very large infection with a band-aid.
Stop Trying To Change The Other Person. Focus On It:
Work with what is really causing all this: your low self-esteem, your lack of respect for your person. Seek help to find and heal the true causes of these patterns of hurting relationships.
Do not worry about how to get away, how to fix the relationship, how to make him love you … take care of yourself, your well-being. Return to you, your strength, your center, who you really are.
Do not do it as a strategy for the other person to change and finally love you as you want me to love you .., that does not work, you have to have a true commitment to you and your healing ..
Little by little you will learn that Love that you have sought so much, to the degree of begging it, outside of you, is inside and is an inexhaustible source of self-respect.
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Eric Cameron is a passionate relationship coach and counselor with a focus on helping couples reconnect and build strong and lasting relationships. He has years of experience working with couples and helping them to understand the intricacies of healthy relationships. He also provides guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship and deal with difficult topics. Eric’s approach is tailored specifically to the couple’s needs and he has a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw upon.