You hoped to live with her for the rest of your life. You believed in your promises to love, cherish, and respect yourself until death. But now, after years of marriage, she announces the divorce. How to win wife back before divorce.
Don’t be fatalistic!
“My wife wants to divorce” !!! Really ? A very simple announcement, but heavy with meaning, and so devastating. Your blood is racing, your heart is racing, your head is spinning. You suddenly lose your bearings and you can’t find what to answer. Could this be the end of your romance? Is there no more hope? My wife is leaving me?
Keep hope
The truth is that it all depends on your reaction , at the time of the fateful announcement, but also afterwards. Because, believe it or not, you can still turn the tables, even at this critical time.
Establish a real win-back strategy
We have listed on our site the possible situations and reasons for a wife to file for divorce. We then propose solutions to each of these problems.
Of course, each case is unique. Nevertheless, you still have a chance to raise the bar by following our online coaching.
“My wife wants to divorce”: but why?
No loving husband remains liable to such a sentence. It causes disillusion, disbelief, surprise, unease, and a slew of conflicting feelings and thoughts. After the shock, the question that always comes up is: ” My wife wants a divorce : but why is this happening to me”? Why would she want to divorce me?
Take it seriously
In your opinion, is it too late to get your ex back?
Even in a society where nearly 45% of marriages end in divorce, experiencing such an announcement is still a sledgehammer. But after the misunderstanding, you have to make the effort to understand why your wife would leave you.
As a rule, such a decision is not made on a whim. She must have spent months and weeks pondering, weighing the pros and cons of divorce. It is therefore a carefully considered choice, motivated by reasons that only she will be able to explain to you.
Show empathy
So before you react and implore him to change his mind, put yourself in his shoes. Or rather, try to find out why she made such a drastic decision.
Could this be the logical consequence of a gradual estrangement , leading to a lack of passion, complicity and the wear and tear of your relationship ? It is one of the main reasons for divorce among many couples.
Others justify their separation by weariness and fatigue due to the daily routine . This situation gives the couple a deceptively comfortable, but tasteless life. The outings, getaways and the little attentions that once spiced up everyday life have disappeared, replaced by the boredom of chores and irrelevant discussions.
The problems of money and incompatibilities with the in-laws are other reasons that could push your wife to divorce. Then, she may accuse you of infidelity, or she may blame it herself.
The gender issues also disrupt many couples. Lack of libido, dissatisfaction, hormonal disturbances, and non-acceptance of each other’s desires can all lead your relationship downhill.
The list is, of course, not exhaustive. Your dear loved one might cite other reasons, such as extreme jealousy, career ambitions, or even a change of religion to justify their choice.
Read more
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Why Couples Argue Over Small Things
Understand, not judge
It’s up to you to do your utmost to discover the real reason. In your approach, especially avoid negative, pessimistic and suspicious thoughts. Don’t minimize your wife’s feelings and arguments, either. You might be tempted to think, “My wife wants a divorce for no reason.” In reality, you will only make your case worse if you play down this way.
Don’t overwhelm him: give him space!
In your opinion, is it too late to get your ex back?
You will not achieve anything if you try to make your missing wife feel guilty . You even make your situation worse if you choose this route. If your wife has the strength and courage to tell you about her intention to divorce, it’s because she feels stuck, stuck in a position that she thinks is insurmountable.
In his eyes, this is arguably the wisest and most sensible decision under the circumstances. You have the right to think that she is wrong, without accusing her or overwhelming her. By doing so, you are only providing him with an additional argument: your inability to admit your wrongs. And that will surely precipitate your separation.
Temper
So, instead of reacting hot, temper the situation. Think carefully about how you will approach the problem with her. Above all, keep calm under all circumstances. It at least shows that you are behaving like an adult and that you are ready to take responsibility and stand up, no matter what the outcome of the situation is.
“ My wife wants a divorce because she doesn’t love me anymore”. Even if she admits that she no longer has feelings for you, still remain dignified and calm. Think about your well-being and that of your children, but also, the happiness of your wife. If she doesn’t feel anything for you anymore, would it be a good idea to convince her to stay?
Keep some distance
If you persist in your recovery, your wife may sink into depression, which will rub off on your loved ones and even your children. The smartest decision, in this case, would be to take a step back and take a break .
Perhaps with a little space in your relationship, she will be able to make a fair assessment of her feelings and impressions vis-à-vis your marital problems. Then, she will be better able to talk about her feelings with you.
It might take days, weeks, or even months, but the time will come when she can better manage and understand her emotions, to discuss them calmly with you. This will then be the time to assess your real chances of getting her back, to assess whether she has reversed her decision or if she has remorse.
She may as well persist and reaffirm the disappearance of her love for you. At least in this case, you will have had time to assimilate the possibility of a separation, which is a good point for the future.
What if it was just a hasty decision?
“No, my wife wants a divorce !? But that’s not possible, the woman I married would never do that! “. Did you react the same way to your wife’s announcement?
This indicates that you have not had to deal with the warning signs of a desire to separate. The shifty glances, disputes that multiply and lack of passion and joy in intimacy are few.
In your opinion, is it too late to get your ex back?
I have prepared for you a unique QUESTIONNAIRE capable of determining your chances of getting your ex back, and of discovering what strategy you must put in place to save your relationship.
Or, another hypothesis, these warning signs did appear, but you didn’t pay attention to them. You then have a lot of work to do to improve your listening and observing skills, and probably your communication with your other half.
Try to reason with her
In the event that your wife announces the divorce without showing any of these signs, there is still the possibility of facing a simple impulse, a decision made out of anger, fatigue or bewilderment. .
In such a context, responding with anger would only make matters worse. Wait until she is very calm and in possession of all her minds before continuing the discussion.
Take it back
Whatever the reason that prompted her to react this way, just announcing the divorce indicates that you have some business to work out in your relationship . It’s up to you to take this opportunity to locate the thorn that hurts and find the means to remove it, then to treat the wounds it has caused.
Don’t ask him to change: it’s up to you to make the effort!
You might be tempted to say to yourself, “ My wife wants a divorce ? But what exactly is she thinking? “. You might even accuse him of cheating on you, of finding comfort in someone else. Such a reaction would be unnecessary in such circumstances. It just means that you put the blame on your wife, and that it is SHE who needs to change. And incidentally, to save your marriage …
You are far, very far from the truth. Wanting to divorce already says a lot about the way your wife sees you and perceives your relationship. It is a real cry for help, the cry of a heart eager to see a radical change in its life. And that change surely wouldn’t come from your wife.
Regain his esteem
If your wife wishes to leave you, it is because she considers that you have disappointed her, that she no longer feels capable of living with the man you are TODAY. For her, this is a punch action aimed at forcing you to change lanes.
Surely she has a list – written or mental – of flaws and mistakes that you need to correct . Your chances of getting your wife back depend mainly on your ability to repair these shortcomings. But above all, you need to know them and understand how these shortcomings affect your wife so much.
Then reassure her of your intention to catch up and change whatever is not working in your relationship. Don’t think that it will make you appear weak and helpless. There is nothing more noble and respectful than a man who recognizes his wrongs and commits to righting them.
Walk the talk
Your mission is to keep your word and prove by your actions that you really want to get your wife back. As a motivation, always remember that as long as the divorce papers are not signed and the separation has not been granted, you still have a chance to turn the tide.
Getting your wife back after infidelity
“ My wife wants a divorce because I have been unfaithful”. More than a third of separations have their origin in infidelity. Now that you have this information, don’t tell your wife that your cheating is commonplace in our society: she already knows it! But from there to accepting it from her own husband, there is a huge gap.
Getting a cuckold wife back takes a lot of persuasion, which starts with working on yourself. You must first convince yourself that your betrayal was just a mistake and that you are not about to do it again. You don’t need to use this argument with your wife if you’re not sure yourself.
Don’t blame it
Then, do not try to justify your act, nor to attribute some of the responsibility to it. Certainly, you may have your reasons for going elsewhere (a lack of sex in the couple, for example) and it may even be that your motivations are legitimate. Turn the conversation so that you don’t blame her for your actions.
Instead of saying, “Yes, I cheated on you because you don’t make any effort in bed”, say instead “The lack of sex made me lose my mind, but I should never have been unfaithful to you. because you are my wife, and I still love you ”.
Emphasize the reality of your feelings towards her. Reassure her that your inconstancy is not attributable to her. Take full responsibility for your abuses!
Confess your feelings
Then, assure her that she means a lot to you, that you are very attached to your marriage. Join your words to actions and show him that you really want to repent and make up for your huge blunder. Be imaginative in your testimonials of love, show her respect every day, without pressing her too much or insisting.
No matter your winning strategy, give him space to digest your infidelity. She must see for herself that you are truly steeped in regret. Give her all the time it takes to make her decision.
Redeeming oneself with his wife: quite an art!
” My wife wants a divorce , because she no longer feels passion”; “My wife is asking for a divorce because she gets tired of our relationship” or ” My wife wants to divorce because of our problems. money ”… Do you tick one of these boxes? There is nothing irreversible about your situation.
Your wife is already telling you clearly what she expects from you, specifying the reason for her decision. She probably filed for divorce to cause emotional or intellectual shock in you. A kind of catalyst or galvanization to put you on the foot of the wall, in short.
So act accordingly. She wants passion in your relationship? Awaken the loving man in you, the one she learned to love at the start of your relationship. Don’t settle for a few one-on-one dining outings to win her back. Make her laugh, make her feel alive, loved and wanted again.
Be careful, however, not to rush things. If she’s okay with you courting her, take it slow. Limit physical and intimate contact, especially if she is shy or hesitant. Give her time to get used to the new version of yourself . Wait for her to make signs of opening before moving on to the next step.
What if it is money problems? Be understanding and do what you can to raise the bar. Even if your situation doesn’t instantly improve, prove to him that you still have the ability and the inclination to turn things around. Of course, your efforts and investments in your work will be wasted if you neglect your wife in return.
What if she loves another man?
“ My wife wants a divorce because she loves another”. The question to ask yourself is then very simple: how do you feel about his betrayal? Are you ready to forgive her and give her your love and trust again if she changes her mind? Is her story just a passing fancy or a true romance that will last?
If this is a brief carnal parenthesis, maybe your wife is just trying to comfort herself physically, for lack of consideration and attention on your part.
If she’s talking about true love, be worthy and respect her choice. You can, of course, try to find out if she will change her mind or not, but don’t push it too hard. Instead, project yourself into the future and recognize the possibility of divorce. This includes choice of lawyer, division of property, custody of children and alimony, among others.
And then, don’t forget that even after the divorce is pronounced, you still have your chances of getting it back. Because the figures are clear: 15% of couples who divorce end up remarrying. Maybe you too will have that chance. The real question will then be: is this really what you want?
Eric Cameron is a passionate relationship coach and counselor with a focus on helping couples reconnect and build strong and lasting relationships. He has years of experience working with couples and helping them to understand the intricacies of healthy relationships. He also provides guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship and deal with difficult topics. Eric’s approach is tailored specifically to the couple’s needs and he has a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw upon.