When the relationship is over, but people have not been able to properly say goodbye to each other, many problems can arise. This includes, for example, a former partner, family member, friend, or colleague who has passed away or with whom you had a falling out. You don’t even always realize how much your former relationship is taking over your thoughts. In this article we will discuss how to say goodbye to a relationship?
It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you felt loved and loved in return. It is even more difficult to break up if there were a lot of conflicting emotions in the relationship. It’s hard to give up food if you’re not full, and it’s just as hard to end a relationship where you’re not completely satisfied. Many people suffer for years from low self-esteem after a divorce that they just can’t get over.
If you are very close to someone, you run the risk of forming an unhealthy relationship in which clear boundaries between partners blur. You will see what you want, not what it really is.
A specific breakup ritual combined with self-improvement can be an effective way to break up and say goodbye. This way you can see yourself and the relationship that ended in a more realistic light.
When you say goodbye to each other as spouses, lovers or colleagues, you can greet each other as friends or, for example, co-parenting partners. In this case, the farewell ritual can be used to see the prospects for this new life together. It will not become an act of ending, but rather a beginning and a continuation.
I hope this little guide will inspire you to come to terms with your relationship and with yourself, and you will find time to mourn the past so that you can move on.
Have you dealt with the gap?
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If you are in doubt about whether to work on your past, you can do the following exercise.
Find a photo of the person and play music that is associated with him. Look at the photo and say, “Goodbye and thanks for everything.”
It is normal for tears to roll down your cheeks. But if you feel resistance to this exercise, cry, worry, or get angry, and find it difficult to contain your emotions, it may mean that you need to work this relationship. Maybe see a psychotherapist or support group.
Maybe friends can help you. Or start working on your own.
Write a farewell letter
First, write the letter entirely for yourself. Use this opportunity to express all your feelings. Write down what you want to say thank you for, what you will miss, what you are happy to get rid of, and how you would like it to be.
It is important that you read this letter aloud first to yourself and then to the other person. It could be a friend or a therapist – reading aloud to some listener heightens your emotions.
But giving this letter to your ex is hardly a good idea. It is better to write another letter for this purpose. One thing is a letter that you wrote from the bottom of your heart to get to know yourself better and express your feelings. And the other is a letter intended for dialogue with another person. Imagine what it would be like to receive such a letter. Maybe this is not at all what a person needs to hear. And a new and elaborate text can be part of a parting ritual.
Reconciliation
Before performing the ritual, you must come to terms with the other person and with yourself. If your ex doesn’t want to be involved, you can still work to reconcile with him, with yourself, and the situation in general. It may be even better to perform this ritual alone.
If your ex doesn’t want to date you or is silent, try to instill confidence in him, help him speak up, and ease his expression of anger, resentment, or sadness. For example, you can say: “It must have been difficult with me. I understand that sometimes you were angry or hurt. “
Better yet, talk about his dreams. This will quickly turn anger into sadness. You can ask: “What would you like to get from me?”
If this makes your ex talk, it’s important not to get defensive. Just say, “I hope you feel better after you said this” or “I wish I could give it to you.”
Forgiveness is a difficult and lengthy process. There are times when it is impossible. Then it is most reasonable to say: “I cannot forgive you for what you did, but I will try not to bother you with it anymore.”
If you find it hard to let go
If you are still angry with your ex, then perhaps you still want something from him and therefore cannot let go. Then it’s better to find out exactly what you need from him. You can understand this by writing yourself a letter on his behalf. The letter should contain everything that you want to hear from him. For example:
Dear Maria!I am very sorry for the decisions I made that hurt you. I would like to fix everything. It’s not your fault that this happened. I think you are a wonderful person, and I am grateful for the time we spent together and for everything you taught me.Thanks for your help when I lost my job. You have made a big impact on my life and will always mean a lot to me.Love, Jack
The letter doesn’t have to be realistic. Just let your imagination run wild and let your ex say exactly what you want to hear. It doesn’t matter if he ever really tells you this.
When you write a letter, you can read it out loud to yourself, but it is even better if someone else reads it to you. A letter like this can sometimes redeem the past, even if it was written by you. It can help you understand what you are looking for. Maybe you can find it with someone new.
If you do not feel anything, then maybe this person no longer causes strong emotions in you. On the other hand, you may be using self-defense strategies without realizing it.
You won’t let go of your partner completely until you can wish them good things. Think about what you would like to thank him for. Prepare a good wish for the ritual. Find a gift for him, such as the stone you found on the beach and held in your hand while you were thinking about this person. The symbolic meaning is important here.
Ritual
The ritual can be performed anywhere, such as under a tree or in a church. You can perform the ritual alone or with your ex. In some cases, you can invite close relatives or friends.
The ritual can include any of the following:
• Listen to the music
• Read the letters aloud
• Sing the song
• Make a promise, such as “From now on, I will do my best not to disturb you,” and shake hands
• Exchange gifts
• Light a candle for those affected by your breakup
• Say a prayer
• Read the poem out loud
• Drink a glass of wine
If you choose to perform the ritual alone, you can read your letter aloud, or pray for yourself and for another person and light a candle.
how to make goodbye easier
It’s your last day together. Ouch.
You already had the fateful date in mind, but today you cannot think of anything other than separation.
All good things come to an end, as they say.
The last kiss, the last hug, the last knowing look, or the last time you hold hands.
It can be an extremely sad, difficult, and very emotional time for all of you.
But you know that since you’re going to keep seeing each other until you settle down together, there will still be plenty of goodbyes to come.
All long-distance couples hate to say goodbye to each other, given that it is possibly one of the worst times in long-distance romance, and we all wish we didn’t have to go through it.
However some things can make them easier.
Here are some tips that I hope will make a difference in the way you manage Goodbye and End Homecoming.
1. Take stock of your reunion
Take the time to see together what you liked during this reunion, either before departure or afterwards by Skype.
Challenge yourself to each find 15 things you loved. The goal is fourfold:
[list style = ”asterisk”]
[li] Know what worked and what did not work, especially for your next visits [/ li]
[li] Get in a good mood to review the good times [/ li]
[ li] Forcing yourself to dig to realize that certain details that you take for granted are real blessings [/ li]
[li] Remembering the best moments of the visit more easily later [/ li]
[/ list]
2. Think about the next visit
If possible, before the separation, try to plan your next visit.
Just knowing that your separation is not for an indefinite period and that you can already imagine your next reunion will give you hope and impatience .
This will allow you to focus on something healthy and positive rather than thinking about loneliness and separation.
3. Tell your partner everything on your heart
Don’t leave things unspoken .
Nothing beats sharing face to face especially in a long distance relationship. Don’t be afraid to reaffirm your feelings before you go.
If you like it or if you know that person you miss, then tell it to them!
On the other hand, avoid releasing huge revelations right before you leave. We’re not in a TV series either …
On the other hand, never leave your other half if you haven’t resolved a relationship problem or an argument. It will only make matters worse.
4. Cry (if you need to)
Just imagine for a second what it would be like if each of you seemed to really care that this was the end of the reunion and showed absolutely no emotion.
It’s normal to be sad when you leave someone, and even more so when it’s someone you love. So don’t hold back your feelings.
Whether you are a girl or a guy, let yourself cry if you feel like it’s going up. There is absolutely no shame or pride to be had.
Crying will help you feel better and most importantly, it will show your partner how much you care.
5. Make your last moments together memorable
Try to leave on a positive, even magical, note. Share your emotions and feelings about this reunion or what you want.
Plan small “goodbye” gifts to be opened only when you are apart.
It doesn’t have to be huge. A little, well-chosen attention can bring tears, but tears of joy this time.
A love letter, a CD of songs you have chosen, a poem, a photo album, a diary recounting your reunion, etc. will make the perfect gift as the icing on the cake of his unforgettable reunion.
6. Realize that everything will be fine
Sometimes putting the importance given to the end of the reunion into perspective helps us feel better.
Instead of thinking of the separation as a farewell, try to think of it as if you are going to see each other again very soon.
Even if it doesn’t feel good to think that you’re going to be away from the person you love, remember that you’ve been apart before and you’ve been able to deal with it together .
You’ve been determined and resilient enough to take the brunt of a long-distance relationship, and after that reunion you’re stronger than ever to handle the distance again.
7. Remember how lucky you are?
Too often we focus on the things we don’t have, and pay little attention to all the things we already have.
Stop what you’re doing and think about how great your relationship is , and never let the distance cover up what’s really important to you.
No matter the kilometers, Love is very present.
8. Say goodbye as naturally as possible
Every couple is different, so don’t try to make your goodbyes more dramatic or emotional, just because you found it felt good when Ryan Gosling did.
It might seem relatively romantic to see things really, really big, but in the end, if it’s too big it doesn’t help anyone.
So if the end of the reunion means a torrent of tears and a broken heart for you, then try to shorten your goodbye and change your method.
Other than that, no reason to go for the natural!
9. Go ahead
Be sure not to live like a hermit once you are alone again. I know that it can be difficult to get used to living alone again after having lived unforgettable moments.
We tend to lament our fate or lock us in our homes until it passes. But the error is there.
When alone it is important to stay active. The worst thing you can do is sticking around in your own home.
Don’t stop living. Life goes on.
The sadness you feel today will wear off faster if you spend time with family, friends, or the things that matter most to you.
– Guillaume
When to say goodbye to a relationship
When do you know that it is worth continuing with a relationship? When to definitely make the decision to say goodbye? If you are doubting your relationship, you can take stock of it from the following aspects and determine if it is worth continuing, or on the contrary, think about completing that cycle.
If you are doubting your relationship, ask yourself the following questions to KNOW “IF SAY GOODBYE “:
- Do you or your partner have continuous infidelity or have a parallel relationship with another person? Does your partner have bad habits and addictions: alcoholism, drugs, sex, gambling?
- Is there physical or verbal abuse towards you and / or your children?
- Are there constant lies about your partner?
- Does your partner usually think only of himself without giving importance to your needs and not giving the necessary importance (time, caresses, acts, conversations) for you and your children?
- Are you not going the same way, while you have some future projects in the relationship, he / she has others?
- Does he / she generate manipulation so that you do only what the other person wants?
- Your partner does not accept you as you are and wants to change your essence, does he continue destructive criticism?
- Does your partner want to show that he is stronger than you, does he look for ways to make you feel inferior like that you are not nice, attractive, intelligent, important?
- No attraction, no desire, no sex for more than 6 months, or do you have sex every 6 – 8 months or every year?
- Does your partner give more importance to the opinion of other people and allow them to intervene in the relationship (mother, siblings, friends) than their opinions and / or needs?
- Are the unhappy moments, of anguish and suffering more than the happy and calm few?
- Can’t you be together for a long time without arguing for the slightest reason, the intolerance is greater every day and the reactions more offensive and have even reached physical abuse?
- Do you not notice a lot of love from your partner, or from you, do you feel that you are together more out of commitment than love?
- Do you find yourself in continuous suffering, depression, anxiety, restlessness because of the attitudes of your partner?
- Do you feel that you are with a good partner, partner, but there is no life as a couple?
- Do you feel a deep anger towards your partner, you no longer control your words, your actions or expressions, do you usually explode in an uncontrolled way?
- Do your children observe and witness your continuous arguments, fights, and conflicts?
- Do your children begin to lower their academic performance, in the schools they begin to send notes or call since they notice how the child is being affected by the situation
- Does your partner give significantly more importance to external aspects such as work, hobbies, social life, than to you and / or your children?
- Does your partner not want to be aware of making real changes to improve aspects previously mentioned and commit to the relationship?
- Do your friends, family members continually tell you that they don’t see you well, that you make decisions, that this relationship is hurting you?
- Is the household economy being affected?
- Have you stopped loving him? Are they not going the same way, or do they want the same from the relationship. Example you want children, does he / she definitely not?
- Do you have sex out of commitment but not out of desire?
- Are you already starting to like other people outside of the relationship?
Now on the other hand to know “IF IT IS WORTH TRYING” ask yourself :
- Does your partner treat you well, is there respect?
- Do you accept it, do you love it as it is?
- Do you give importance, love and respect that your children deserve?
- Do you really want to improve the relationship, looking for alternatives and necessary ways to be a better person and partner?
- Do you listen and reflect on what needs to be improved and do you notice that you actually take measures, ways, and ways to improve as a human being and as a couple?
- Is there taste and attraction?
- Do they have a good time, are they compatible, laugh, have fun together?
- Do they make a good team?
- Do you have the same interests regarding the relationship, that is, do you both want to build the same future together?
- Is there communication, is your partner interested in listening to you and understanding you?
- Is there attraction and is sex satisfying?
Analysis:
If more than 5 aspects of which “it is worth trying” are fulfilled, and less than 5 aspects of “if to say goodbye”, surely your relationship is in a crisis, but if the relationship is worked, there is hope that it will improve and recover.
If more than 6 aspects of which “it is worth trying” are fulfilled, and more than 6 aspects of “if to say goodbye”, you may find yourself in an ambivalent situation, in which you know that your relationship is one of conflict and pain , but at the same time, you are with a good person and you do not want to lose him / her, or you think you do not have enough arguments to finish. In these cases, an external consultancy to help you clarify and make wise decisions.
If more than 6 aspects of “worth trying” and more than 15 aspects of “if to say goodbye” are fulfilled, think things over, you may be conforming and tolerating a lot in the hope that that person may change. Keep it real; changes arise from conscious and inner evolution, not only from words and promises that are not kept in the end.
If fewer than 6 “worth a try” aspects and more than 15 “yes say goodbye” aspects are met, the conclusion is obvious, then strengthen yourself to make the decision and carry it out.
General tips:
If you consider that it is worth trying to improve the relationship, talk to your partner, do it with a positive, conciliatory attitude in which you express what you feel in the relationship and that you consider that something must be done to improve it. Do not speak from victimization or tyranny. Seek external help, couples therapy, spiritual counseling, emotional counseling, in short, there are many services that today help couples in their processes.
If you consider that this relationship does not make sense and although it hurts and is difficult, it is better to say goodbye; First strengthen yourself, recover your center, your inner strength and your self-esteem, so help yourself with a therapist or coach to help you heal and recover. Go thinking and planning what life will be like without that person, if you live together how you will organize yourself financially, as well as what your legal rights are. Talk to legal and financial advisers, this will make you feel more relaxed and will give you tools to carry out your decision. When you feel stronger and more capable of doing it, talk to your partner and end your relationship, grieve, recover and move on with your life. It is not as terrible as you think.
Keep in mind this phrase: “he / she may be important to you, but it is not essential.”
Ingrid Gomez