In my life there was not one girl, not two, not …, and I did not offer any of them to meet, while managing to meet with them.
So, if you answer the question briefly, then you don’t need to offer a girl to meet, unless of course you are a boy who studies at school, and your “meetings” with a girl are actually friendship with kissing elements.
A similar thought permeated the central idea of an article on how to confess to a girl in love, which you can also read.
One girl once even asked me the question “So are we dating or not?”, And this question drove me into a stupor. It’s a strange situation, of course. But we digress.
And finally, you, as it seems to you, met “the one”, “the one and only”. And after a lot of hours spent looking for a contender for your love, you are ready to plunge headlong into the mysterious waters of relationships, obligations and responsibilities.
But even if the search was very short-lived, the desire to enter into a relationship is completely natural.
She is pretty, sweet, not stupid, funny, you have common interests, and you start to wonder what you would say to her in order to take on the official status of this interesting mademoiselle’s boyfriend?
But why ask any questions at all? They are redundant. Leave them for the moment when you decide to propose to the girl to become your wife, unless, of course, things go too far.
If you want a relationship with a girl that makes you happy and also develops naturally, asking her a direct question containing an offer to date is not the best strategy, and in many cases this approach can even turn into a catastrophic failure.
Relationships themselves involve an equal exchange of values. Therefore, if it seems to one of the partners that with the help of the other person and the relationship itself, he will be able to achieve greater success in life, he, thus, puts himself in the position of needy, violating harmony and the necessary level of balance.
Offering a girl to date is one of the best examples of how this balance can be upset.
And since it is the man who is supposed to be the leader in the relationship, he certainly should not drive himself into the weak position described. Therefore, it is better to build the dynamics of relations at their initial stage, taking into account the following recommendations.
1. Initiate but don’t impose
A girl should feel that you, your personality and the time spent together add value to her, wrapping her life in positive emotions.
Proposing a date to a girl can be the reason why she feels like you are trying to impose something on her, killing any spontaneity and naturalness.
Girls like it when things just happen naturally, and your proposal can be interpreted as an attempt to run ahead of the engine, based on the fear of losing the girl.
For her, you are just as interesting an object to conquer as she is for you, and by the behavior of a needy person, you destroy the meaning and devalue the taste of victory in winning your heart.
Therefore, do not rush, but focus on a positive exchange of emotions in the process of communicating with a girl, so that she is worried when the thought arises that she can lose you, and not vice versa.
2. Let her woo you.
If you look at the relationship between a man and a woman from an evolutionary perspective, we can conclude that their main goal is to procreate.
So when a woman sees you as a worthy partner and makes love to you, her biological program turns on to keep you close to her so that you help her raise children and provide the necessary support at the same time.
If you don’t screw up, the girl will want to keep you. But if you deprive her of such a need with your obsessive behavior, she will most likely move away.
Do you want your girlfriend to appreciate you? In that case, you should not forget that people are not inclined to value too much everything that comes to them very easily.
So let the girl put in some effort to win you over.
3. Don’t put a girl on a pedestal
It often happens when a guy thinks like this: “I really like this beauty, she is special, one and only, and I want her to become my girlfriend,” and in the end he loses her.
If, nevertheless, such relationships continue, the dominant position in them will most likely go to the girl, and the guy will begin to play a supporting role in them.
Why is this happening? Because as soon as you are imbued with the conviction that this particular girl is an absolutely exclusive representative of the female race, you thereby put her on a pedestal, turning into a needy idolater, i.e. she is more important to you than you are to her, your value is lower, the balance is broken, she does not need to seek you or strive to keep you.
Therefore, either a parting awaits you, or a game of number two. Why give away an ace of trumps when the game has just begun?
By inviting a girl to meet, you define yourself as a partner who needs a relationship more, and this is a weak or at least slippery position.
You are a man, and you must set the direction for the development of relationships, setting your own rules, following them without compromise. What they will be is up to you, not me, but personally I have always liked to move along the path of efficiency.
Instead of falling into a possible trap imposed by society, let the relationship develop spontaneously and naturally, focusing on a good time with a girl, entertaining not only her, but also yourself, and when you are in a great mood, the girl will definitely notice and appreciate it is by wanting to continue the wonderful fellowship again and again.
4. Let her be your girlfriend without any questions and answers
It may seem strange, but for a friend to become your girlfriend, you do not need to ask her about it or make her related proposals.
Instead, just start acting like she’s already your girlfriend. Do what you would do if you were already an established couple.
Hold her hand when you walk together, take her on a romantic trip for a few days, spend a memorable weekend with her, introduce her to your friends or take her to dinner with your parents.
This behavior is completely normal and completely natural. It will allow you to rise to a new stage in the development of your relationship without resorting to unnecessary and burdensome actions associated with meaningless official statements.
If anyone has to think about who you are to each other, then let that person be not you.
5. Don’t force her to commit.
You can never convince her to become your girlfriend or like her with words, direct questions or ultimatums. Only your actions matter.
But you shouldn’t try to jump over your head. Just relax, do what you want to do and enjoy the process.
Your resource state will draw the girl into your world without looking back and doubts, because you allow yourself to remain yourself.
Why does it work? Because you can’t be anyone else in this life but yourself, so why try?
It’s better to be your cool self than an inexpressive parody of another person.
6. Summing up
In conclusion, I recommend that you adopt the following scheme of behavior:
- First you meet a girl.
- You get to know her better and translate your communication into a horizontal plane.
- If you like communication with a girl and its intimate component, without causing any doubts, start behaving with her as if you are already in a relationship, without resorting to the offer of a girl to meet.
- After all of the above, or simultaneously with the implementation of the previous paragraph, you can start courting a girl, giving her gifts and flowers, and introducing romantic elements into your communication.
Thus, it is not necessary to propose a girl to meet. It is also not worth caring for a girl with whom you did not have physical intimacy in the classic form.
And by the way, maybe a young lady will appear in your life who will ask you the question “So are we dating or not?”.
Eric Cameron is a passionate relationship coach and counselor with a focus on helping couples reconnect and build strong and lasting relationships. He has years of experience working with couples and helping them to understand the intricacies of healthy relationships. He also provides guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship and deal with difficult topics. Eric’s approach is tailored specifically to the couple’s needs and he has a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw upon.