An obsession is defined as an event, person or object on which we fix our attention in a sick way, which means that a person will keep their attention fixed on that object constantly, putting their thoughts on it. In this article, we will discuss how to overcome obsession in a relationship and much more.
Many people develop an obsessive and impetuous character regarding various events in their lives, which means that they will not be able to reach peace states as long as they do not see their purposes fulfilled . The problem with obsessions is that they upset the usual activities of the person involved, being able to reach stormy states and anxiety attacks.
Putting your security in external elements is a misguided decision, since it leads us to prolonged states of uncertainty, since you can never predict or control the behavior and decisions of elements outside of you. Developing an obsession is a clear sign that you have created a strong dependence on an agent that is beyond your control, so you focus on this element being under your management.
Why is my obsession bad?
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Although there are several levels at which the intensity of an obsession can be classified, even from its minimum expression, an obsession is harmful. Many people tend to try to justify this type of behavior, giving reasons, which are nothing more than excuses. To begin with, the first reason to avoid developing an obsession, or being the object of it, is that it is a state that dominates you , and any situation that involves a dependency should be left aside.
Even if they can get used to living in this way, you must keep in mind that being immersed in such a situation limits your life in all aspects, since it detracts you from peace, freedom and independence . Whether you are the object, or it is you who has developed attachment, the obsession will end up taking your thoughts and your life.
If you are the object of an obsession, then, the other person will control your life to such an extent that you will feel that you do not own your actions , your behavior will be affected, since you will find yourself under continuous surveillance, and at a certain point, you will You will feel suffocated.
When you have developed an obsession with something or someone, then, this feeling will distort your life, to the point that that object will become the center of your universe, filling you with insecurity and anxiety, given the prospect that it might be missing .
Blame, when you are involved in an obsession, the guilt will make you a habitual feeling, since it will be the binding element between both parties. You are obsessed, so you show yourself full of anxiety, because your mood and the security of your life, is put in the figure of a person external to you, and any change in your usual way of acting, will open the door to insecurities, that is why, in a situation of extreme anxiety, your reactions can even be violent, and with this, you could perpetuate harm in the other person .
When you are again in fullness of your 5 senses, you can feel how the guilt expands in your chest when you realize what you have done.
Blackmail and guilt, are the order of the day, the person will seek to tie another through arguments that arouse compassion. This link is dangerous , and is the main characteristic of sick or toxic relationships.
For the most part, obsessions opt for acts of violence . Why? Simply because it causes an imbalance in the healthy order that must be established inside each human being.
Relationships with our peers are necessary, however, we must be careful to remain vigilant not to allow the presence of an external being to become an essential ingredient for the development of our lives. Think of it this way, when you allow someone to become a piece of vital character for your functioning, then, the mere idea will make you react instinctively and desperately; just as you would if you cut off the flow of oxygen, and felt your body die.
Even if the person who is the object of your obsession follows the game, and accepts the fundamental role you are giving him, he will never meet your expectations because you are giving him an impossible mission . The result? You will simply be angry against the person who has “disappointed” you, the other party will be emotionally beaten, and if it reveals to your requirements, the fear and anxiety of losing control over that person could unleash violent acts. .
A vicious circle of pain, abuse and guilt is created. The relationships that are lived from the obsession restrict their freedoms, and limit the possibility of living that feeling fully.
Another addition to these fatal relationships is fear. Both sides are united by deep fear. On the one hand, there is fear of losing that being vital to our life, and on the other, there is fear of the consequences of a separation.
We all want to some extent be necessary, and need someone, but when we take that desire to the extreme, it can have terrible consequences. Dependence is never good, because it opens doors to uncertainty , and anxiety. When you put your security in elements that are not of your control you will live whipped by the fear of losing .
Anxiety results from that fear taken to the extreme, then recurring thoughts are awakened , those that are loaded with neurotic and sick messages , which gradually pave the way to a diseased and unbalanced existence.
How to know if I’m obsessed?
It is true, there are things that can occupy our mind, and yes, we can give importance, let rest part of our responsibilities in that external being, enjoying the joy of sharing the experience of your life with someone else, however, when the transgressions are transgressed. limits, it is important that you know to turn on the internal alarms and stop to meditate on the path you are about to tackle.
How can you tell if you’ve become obsessed? How to overcome an obsession? Well, then, we will mention a set of identifiers, so that you can establish a contrast that allows you to stop: Obsession for a person and their symptoms:
- You constantly think of a person or object, and although you try to concentrate on other activities, the mental image returns in a recurring way.
- When you do not have news about the activities that the person develops you are filled with anxiety and anger.
- You feel the need to monitor what you are doing, controlling your activities.
- You don’t like to meet with other people, because, even if you don’t confess it, you are afraid of being replaced.
- Stormy mental images invade you, all of them related to the possibility that this person will be absent from your life forever.
- You feel insecure and fearful that someone more suitable can supply the space you have occupied in that person’s life.
- You display blackmail , or promote situations that can arouse the compassion of the other person.
How to overcome an obsession
If you have thought about it, making the decision to put aside that toxic way of relating to life, then the time has come to take actions that break the cycle. A new path, requires new decisions, that are consistent with the objectives you pursue. Surely you already discovered that obsession limits you the possibility of living in a full, balanced and loving way; And if these are the objectives you pursue, then you must break with your old decisions, then we explain how to overcome an obsession:
1. Love yourself
Want love? Well, first of all you must learn to love yourself, since you will never know how to appreciate the love that others offer you if you do not deeply understand what that implies.
Love is a powerful and unlimited energy , this means that it does not depend on the specific characteristics of the events that seize your life. You can find love in all stages and experiences that come into your life , but for this you must be aware of the potential for love that resides in you.
When you love yourself deeply, then you will develop the ability to enjoy love, even when you do not receive it, if not you grant it. The development of acts of love, for the purposes of the law of attraction, will allow you to see condensed love around you, since you will know how to use that energy to transform the experiences around you.
2. Get away from the stimulus
What woke up your obsession? Identify the situation or person that led you to this state, and close the doors. Even if the person does not propitiate that state in you, it is unquestionable that his presence awakens in you that insane desire for control. Therefore, as long as you heal your problem , you must put distance.
If you move away from the stimulus, you will stop reacting unfavorably, since there is no direct temptation to relive that obsessive experience.
3. Choose freedom
To be free, you must release the bonds you have imposed on others. You will never feel full, as long as you are holding a person or circumstance by your side. Do not be afraid to release what at the time gave good results, remember that life is a cycle that requires constant updating.
When something has lost its validity, and has already fulfilled its mission, it must leave your life, because if you continue in your present time, it will not offer you good results, and will limit your chances of concreting new experiences.
Do not generate ties, the wonderful thing about living through freedom is that you can be sure that the experiences and people that are in your life are because they are so, after all, there is nothing that forces them to be.
4. Forgive and grant forgiveness
You realized that it doesn’t work to live in that insane way. You understood that, along that path, neither you nor the people involved will have growth possibilities. Then, you must attract forgiveness into your life and learn how to leave an obsession for something; because yes, everything is temporary.
If, in the first place, you are not able to transmit it to that person, because either you would not feel comfortable with their closeness, or because they consider that to establish contact, could generate a negative impact (arouse false hopes) then write notes of forgiveness.
It is liberating to let off steam , and if you consider that you made mistakes that could affect the other person, write it down, reflect on everything that was wrong, and apologize for that. Become aware of the damage you caused, repent and clear your awareness of that event that upset your life and that of someone else.
On the other hand, explore your grudges, evaluate those events that were hurtful to you, and forgive the person who perpetrated them; Through this action, you will leave behind all the weight that a grudge implies.
Why did you become obsessed?
Once, you have regained your composure a little, it is important that you carry out a thorough evaluation of the events you experienced, and the true cause of their origin. It would be very easy to simply conclude that some characteristic or attitude in the person aroused the obsessive feeling in you . This is a partial truth, since surely some characteristic of the person or event was attractive to you, and constituted a temporary solution to a situation of lack present within you.
The emptiness already existed inside you, not caused by the person or circumstance. At first, there was already a lack in you that found a momentary solution in the relationship with that person or event.
You must focus on discovering what it was, because, although it is likely that you will overcome it by inertia, the truth is that there is a risk that the lack persists inside you, and if you do not face it, the next relationship you establish can be oriented to satisfy her, which would lead you to relapse in the circumstances against which you fight today.
Make a mental review of the determining events in your life , with the aim of finding clues as to the origin of your obsessive need to exercise control. If you do a conscientious review, you will soon get a satisfactory answer to this question.
Work on the cause of your obsession
Once you know the root of your obsession, you can take blunt actions to solve it and overcome mental obsessions. You should focus on restoring balance and the feeling of security inside.
If you already know the cause. You can start from that event, and the repercussions it caused, to clear your perception, and your way of relating to the world.
1. Admit your problem
If you know yourself in depth, and you are able to identify a feature that may not be so favorable to you, you can take conscious actions that minimize the impact of it. For example, if you know you have tendencies to develop obsessions, manifest yourself, and put control.
2. Consequences of obsessions
Although there are people who confuse obsessive behaviors with crush reactions, the truth is that it is not. The obsession involves an exaggerated and abusive behavior, where the dependent seeks to establish strong links, which limit the development of the person in other areas.
Although the obsessed person shows a strong character, capable of limiting the actions of the other, it is important to emphasize that, deep down, he has no spiritual strength, but, on the contrary, it is an insecure person with deep fears.
If you are in a relationship of this type (playing either of the two roles) below, we will explain the repercussions that will bring to your life:
3. Low self-esteem
If you get caught in the grip of an obsession, it is a clear manifestation of low self-esteem, since when you have a strong image of yourself, your alarm signals will know how to detect and stop the progress of an obsessive feeling in time.
4. Eating disorders
You live in a constant alert, beset by fears and insecurities. Of course, this will impact your psychological balance. The feeling of not being enough, of not living up to it, alters your life and prevents you from maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself, for that reason self-image distortions are derived that will lead you to establish an insane relationship with food.
5. Nervous Crisis
Fear and anxiety are dangerous attachments. When you feel that the situation is out of your reach, then your system collapses under the weight of feelings of fear.
You may feel that the world trembles under your feet, and you feel unstable and fearful of what will happen, and the inability you have developed to cope promotes a collapse in your system, which is nothing more than a form of escape to that situation. You don’t know how to solve.
The center of your universe has shifted to that object, person or situation; Therefore, you lose interest and the need to establish other relationships, or to develop other activities.
You are never satisfied, the stimuli to which you submit do not seem sufficient to feel full, and even when you have conquered the object of your obsession, you feel empty; Of course, this awakens in you a state of generalized confusion, which brings you into a sad state.
Overcome a love obsession
In this area, we can easily fall into establishing obsessions, as relationships can lead us to states of vulnerability and anguish, marked by fear of being the object of infidelity or abandonment .
The objective of a relationship is to establish a convenient relationship, in which a person who is physically and spiritually attractive , becomes our partner for the achievement and achievement of objectives. The fact of giving openness to another, of showing our interior and sharing experiences , are binding elements, however, they also arouse the deepest fears. What if this wonderful person leaves our life? What will become of us? This leads to obsessive states.
To overcome a love obsession, you must work to strengthen self- confidence , understand that you have a lot to offer, and that people can find in you a valuable person with whom to establish lasting relationships. If there is something in the attitude of the other person that fills you with anxiety, and makes you doubt about the relationship, then you must manifest it. Talk to the other person and determine if their arguments are reliable, if they are not, and you feel that the security offered by that relationship is in a tailspin, then you should seriously consider stopping .
Choosing to develop an obsessive attitude as a defense mechanism in the face of the possibility of a break-up is not healthy, it will not make you happy, you will live beset by ghosts, and the possibility of being deceived will constantly persecute you.
Obsessions are choices that anchor you to a problematic situation. If something does not work in your life, you cannot force your attitude to be so. Evaluate what battles are worth fighting, but always keeping the limits consistent.
Obsession for a man
You have infatuated with a man, and day and night, his image invades your thoughts. If you have never spoken to him, and the possibility of a relationship develops in the field of your thoughts, then, perhaps the first thing you should do is approach him and evaluate the possibility of establishing a relationship , either friendly or loving. If you allow the thought to expand in your mind, and you don’t stop it, when you realize it you will find yourself chasing it in the street or checking its activity in social networks.
Many times curiosity and intrigue leads us to put a thought in our mind, and spin it continuously. If you give yourself the opportunity to meet that person, it may happen that the conditions exist to establish a relationship with that person, or perhaps knowing you discover that there is no reason to focus your attention on it.
If you are a person in your environment, with whom you have had a confrontation, or with whom you are forced to compete, then you could develop obsessive thoughts about it. To solve this obsession for a person, you must focus on enhancing your security, this will allow you to understand that there is no reason to create on your figure, the image of a threat.
Obsession for a woman
If you are a man, you may have been impressed from the visual aspect that a woman projects. This can alter your hormonal balance , leading you to think about it continuously. The solution in this case is to overcome the barrier of idealization, approach that woman, and give yourself the opportunity to determine if it is indeed worth your thoughts.
In the case of women, we can develop an obsession with someone of our same sex when we consider it a threat , whether in the workplace, as the field of relationships. How to overcome an obsession with my ex ?, In this case, you should focus on strengthening your self-confidence, since the presence of a threat can hit your self-esteem. As long as you feel safe , that person will stop presenting an obsessive thought to you.
Are you one of the people who usually have their drawers strictly sorted, by color and content? If you do constant mental reviews of your activities and steps and live under siege by that feeling of constant threat , then you have developed a compulsive obsession.
Obsessive-compulsive people are very sensitive to order and their stability depends on whether it prevails or not. When one of the elements of its environment leaves its usual place, the feeling of imbalance is so unpleasant that the person suffers an emotional collapse.
If you have developed a disorder of this nature, it is recommended that you turn to a doctor who gives you the appropriate support to identify the event that triggered that need for order and control in you. However, one way to fight your compulsion is to test your resistance to disorder. You can make small alterations, and expose yourself to the sensation in a controlled way, once you experience it, you can develop the awareness that letting go of the control a little is not so bad.
Develop your capacity for tolerance, and even if at first it doesn’t feel quite right, over time your system will adjust to that new attitude.