How do you know when love ends? When there is no love, it is known. However, sometimes love is confused with dependency, with a habit, or fear of loneliness. In order to see the difference between a healthy relationship and one that is not, in this article in Bigmatrimonial you will find 30 signs on how to know when to end a relationship.
How to know if my relationship is healthy or not
Healthy love is not what we have seen in the movies. We have internalized beliefs based on romantic love that are unreal and harmful. The information we have received about relationships affects both our own behavior and expectations about the other person’s actions.
When a relationship is based on the beliefs and practices of romantic love, such as possessiveness, jealousy, the “better half”, sacrifice and “forever”, it is normal to produce discomfort. Because we insist that the relationship meets those requirements that have been transmitted to us that love must meet.
This discomfort is unnecessary and does not occur when a relationship is healthy. A couple relationship must be, above all, freely chosen and must be based on respect and trust . If in a relationship you feel discomfort it is not a healthy relationship.
To learn to detect a toxic relationship it is necessary to unlearn and rebuild a vision of love and relationships that is healthier and more realistic.
30 signs that a relationship is not working
How do you know if love is over? How do you know when to leave your partner? How do you know if leaving your partner is the right thing to do? Ending a relationship is neither right nor wrong , it is simply necessary when it is not a healthy relationship. With these signs you can identify that a relationship does not work and differentiate love from habit and dependency:
- There is abuse. It is considered that there is abuse in the couple when there are violent acts. Violence is not only physical, it can also be psychological, emotional, sexual, economic, patrimonial, symbolic or social. If your partner’s actions hurt you, the relationship is broken. These keys will help you detect psychological abuse in the couple.
- You don’t feel wanted or wanted. Without love there can be no relationship. Love must be bidirectional because love, if it is not reciprocated, is obsession. Furthermore, love must be demonstrated and felt. Do not you feel that your partner loves you? Rethink your relationship.
- You don’t feel respected. Without respect there can be no healthy relationship. Respect is a basic pillar of any relationship. For a relationship to be healthy, both members must accept the other person for who they are and respect their ideas and decisions.
- You don’t feel free. A healthy relationship requires freedom. Having a partner is not mandatory or necessary. Having a relationship is a choice that must be made from maturity, freedom and emotional independence. You must freely choose to share your time with that person because it adds value to your life. If you feel any kind of coercion, it is not love.
- You don’t feel valued and important to your partner. Love must be reciprocal and must be demonstrated by acts. If your partner does not dedicate time to the relationship, does not value your company or does not appreciate you as a person, it is that she does not love you. Feeling like you don’t value yourself is another sign that the relationship isn’t working.
- There is infidelity. It should be noted that the relationship is not always broken after an infidelity, there are cases in which forgiveness and change make it possible to continue with a healthy relationship. However, in most cases, infidelity is a sign that the relationship is not going well. Furthermore, if it is not a previously agreed practice, infidelity supposes treason and a lack of respect towards the deceived person, which can cause a lot of pain.
- There are many things about your partner that bother you a lot. At the beginning of a relationship, the hormonal cocktail of falling in love prevents us from seeing the other person objectively. However, as time passes, the initial infatuation decreases, allowing us to see our partner in a more realistic way. At that point, it is common to detect things that we do not like and, before that, it is important to see if we can accept it or not. If what you don’t like about him or her is unacceptable to you, the relationship is broken.
- You need your partner to change. People do not change because another wants. The personality, that is, the way of feeling, thinking and behaving of a person, does not change. The character can be molded, a person can change some feature of her personality because of her own will she decides to change it or because after some experience she learns. However, it will not change because you insist. So if you can accept your partner as he is right now, fine. If you cannot accept her and you need her to change to feel good and comfortable with the relationship, it is broken.
- You don’t feel peace. When a relationship is healthy and beneficial, what you should feel is well-being and tranquility. A healthy relationship brings calm and makes you feel good. If you don’t feel peace, the relationship is not going well.
- You feel it doesn’t do you good. Related to the previous one, if you feel that this person does not suit you, that it does not contribute to you, that it does not improve your life, but quite the opposite, surely, it is not a healthy relationship. If you think that the relationship is not good for you or if many people around you tell you, you are right. If you feel that it does not do you good but that you “need” it, that is not love, it is emotional dependence .
- Your expectations are different. If you expect different things from the relationship, it will be difficult to meet your goals. In a healthy relationship, you should not leave your goals, objectives, or plans for the other person.
- You have very different values. For a relationship to be healthy and beneficial for both people, it is necessary to have a similar or compatible vision of life. If, for example, family is very important to you and work is the most important thing for the other person, life together will be complicated.
- Very different lifestyles. It is often incompatible to maintain a relationship with a person with whom you do not share the lifestyle. That does not mean that you have to share opinion or agree on everything, but it is important that there are more points in common than differences.
- You have no confidence. Trust is another of the pillars of a couple relationship. For a relationship to be healthy, you must feel calm. If you feel that you are being lied to, if you feel cheated or you cannot trust your partner, the relationship is broken.
- It does not improve your life. A relationship makes sense when your life is better with that person. If not, the relationship is not bringing you anything significant. If it also complicates your life and you continue with that person, it is likely that the cause is emotional dependence.
- It doesn’t support you. Your partner must be a partner who encourages you and supports you in your development and personal evolution. When a person has a sincere love for another, they want to see them grow and achieve their goals. If your partner belittles your goals and does not want to see you evolve, she feels envy or jealousy hinders a healthy relationship.
- Communication is not adequate. Communication is a basic pillar of any relationship. We cannot read the other person’s mind, so it is essential to learn to express what we think and feel, as well as to learn to listen and understand what the other person thinks and feels. When communication is not assertive, it aggravates conflict, deteriorates the relationship, and produces pain.
- Communication is absent. When communication is non-existent it denotes disinterest in knowing the other. We show our partner that we don’t care. Without communication the bond deteriorates.
- You don’t do activities together. Not sharing hobbies or leisure or not spending quality time together is a sign that the relationship is not working. If you do not feel like sharing your free time with him or her or, on the contrary, you feel that this person is not interested in spending time with you, it is necessary to rethink the relationship.
- There are doubts. When the relationship goes well, doubts do not take place. Whether your partner expresses doubts, or if you are the one who doubts the relationship, it means that one of them thinks that his life would be better without the other. When there are doubts it is because the relationship is not going well.
- You don’t admire your partner. You spend a lot of time with your partner and it ends up influencing your way of being, thinking and behaving. So it is essential to choose a person who inspires you and motivates you. Someone who seems like a great person to you. In love there must be admiration.
- It does not allow you to grow. A healthy and functional relationship should help you grow and develop as a person. People evolve and change, if the relationship does not allow you to make this personal transformation, it is not a healthy relationship. If you feel that you cannot develop professionally or that you cannot carry out activities that are beneficial to you because the relationship prevents you, the relationship is limiting you.
- You feel that you must make a great effort. For a relationship of any kind to work it is necessary to make an effort to understand and coexist with differences. However, it must be an effort that we willingly accept. If you feel that the effort is very great and that it is very difficult for you to maintain the relationship, consider whether it is worth it. Probably not.
- You are not sexually compatible. Sexuality is an important part of a relationship. Sexual compatibility refers to having similar ideas regarding the style of sexual practices and the frequency of them. For sexuality to be healthy, it must always be agreed and enjoyed by people who participate in sexual practices. According to a study by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, the variable that affects the union and happiness of the couple is the quality of sexual encounters and not the quantity.
- The relationship makes you suffer. If you feel that for some other reason the relationship makes you suffer, it is not a healthy relationship for you. Love does not hurt, what hurts is heartbreak, emotional dependency and unhealthy relationships.
- You do not share the responsibilities. In a healthy relationship, respect is essential. It is also part of the respect and care of the other to distribute the tasks and responsibilities equally. If you feel that the responsibilities are not shared, that you carry more tasks than you would have, and that your partner does not care, ask yourself if there is respect and true love in the relationship.
- You don’t share funny moments. Having a good time and enjoying together or together is essential. Laughter and humor are symptoms of complicity and fun. If they are conspicuous by their absence, ask yourself if you really enjoy the company of your partner or are you still in the relationship out of habit or dependency.
- You feel like you can’t be yourself. In a healthy relationship you must not change to please the other person, but must accept you as you are. That does not mean that he likes absolutely everything about you, it means that he likes you as a person globally and that although there are things that he does not like or share, he can tolerate them.
- It costs you a lot to be faithful. If there has been no infidelity but you feel attracted or attracted to other people and it is very difficult for you to be faithful, you may not love your partner as much. It is normal to feel attracted to other people on time, but when there is love and fidelity is chosen it should not cost much effort.
- You do things that hurt your partner. When you truly love, you cannot conceive of the idea of consciously hurting the other. If your actions hurt your partner, you know it and you do nothing to remedy it is that you surely do not love him. Not loving your partner is the main reason why a relationship should end.
Reasons to leave a relationship
If you feel identified or identified with several of the previous points, surely your relationship as a couple is not healthy. Reflect and identify why you continue to maintain this relationship. For grief? By dependency? For the children? Why will they say? Out of habit?
None of these motives is worth as much as your peace. Even if there are sons or daughters in common, following together when the couple is not doing well, you are teaching them to normalize a relationship pattern that is not healthy or beneficial. The best thing for boys and girls is to have good examples of healthy relationships and of people who have adequate self-esteem and know how to relate from assertiveness, that is, from respect for others and respect for oneself.
Cut or hold?
If you are wondering if you should end or endure in a relationship, the answer is the first option, because words like “endure” or “endure” are not indicators that the relationship is healthy and beneficial.
If you identify with several of the signs mentioned and you are clear that the relationship does not give you what you want and that it does not make you happy, it is best to leave it. Why is it important to end a relationship that doesn’t work? Here are some reasons to leave an unhealthy relationship:
- Because having a relationship is not mandatory. It is not necessary to have a partner, have it if it makes sense. Having a partner is not an obligation or a condition at all, you will not be better or worse for having a partner or not having it.
- Because you deserve to be at peace. A relationship makes sense when it contributes to your life and yourself. If not, what will improve your life will be to end the relationship. Well-being depends on what you think and what you do is in tune. If you really think that it is not a healthy relationship and that it does you no good, staying in it will be a source of continuous and unnecessary discomfort.
- Because your personal development is important. The comfort zone is what you know. Although it does not make you happy, it is easier to stay in it than to go on an adventure. However, this causes you to remain stagnant. Bet on your personal growth and dare to live new experiences that allow you to learn. You will be amazed at your own abilities and skills.
- Because you are your priority. Knowing yourself is essential and for this you need to spend time alone, meet again and rebuild. Because the relationship with yourself is the most important and must be based on self-care. Taking care of yourself is also letting go of everything you know is not good for you.
- Because you can build a healthy relationship. Because while you’re hooked on this toxic relationship that doesn’t make you happy, you’re missing out on starting a healthy and beneficial relationship.
This article is merely informative, in Bigmatrimonial we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.