Where does this mistrust come from, what does it have to do with what we live as children and how to get out of this vicious circle. In this article we will discuss about how to get rid of anger in a relationship?
The Regression To Childhood
Although we are adults and therefore, we live in adult bodies, there are in each of us emotional aspects that are totally childish and these are what we know as “the boy, the inner girl”.
These aspects may be hidden under layers and layers of compensation, for example, if we are very afraid of being violent, but we become violent people to compensate for that terror of our childish part.
Mystification, trance and injuryMistify: Change or alter a thing so that it ceases to be true or authentic. Distort.
It is very important to understand about the way in which our children see life, as if they were seeing it through dark filters, full of negativities, distrust and anger, of a totally unreal vision, what we do is distort the way in which we see life and it is what we know as “mystification”.
Understanding about mystification and trance gives us a much deeper ability to penetrate the awareness of our “childish part.” Stepehn Wolinsky “Trances people live.”
Trance Disharmony And Anger
Distrust and anger. Central feelings in each of us. Accustomed since childhood to be hurt, to lie to us, to abuse us, to invalidate us, we simply do not believe that there can be someone who treats us differently.
We suspect everyone. We believe that the world is a hostile place, without love and without support. It leads us to isolate ourselves and live on the defensive and we are sure that what we fear most is what will happen. We have become distrustful and angry.
In this trance our relationships, mainly those of a couple, are affected by this vision of distrust and feelings of anger that have been kept for years.
Our distrust and the anger that accompanies it are personal hell. When we enter that trance, we are entering a very dark space:
- It catches us in our negative thoughts, perceptions and expectations.
- Close our ability to receive and appreciate the love and beauty of life.
Injury And Injury Wound
Step 1. Innocence and trust damaged by betrayals and invasions. We fantasize
Step 2. Breaking the interpersonal bridges, withdrawal to isolation and distrust, but hoping to find love one day.
Step 3. We leave the shelter because of the desire to find love, but we do it full of hidden expectations.
Step 4. Repeated disappointments and frustrations confirm our distrust.
How To Get Rid Of That Distrust And Anger In A Relationship?
- Recognize that this is a trance that arose from being hurt as a child.
- Know our history of distrust and anger. Find out why some situations make us react so strongly. Why do certain situations appear so often? Our history will be repeated until we are aware and responsible for it. Situations and people will provoke us much in the same way that we were invaded or betrayed in the past. Knowing how this happened when we were little brings a lot of light to current situations
- Build confidence in our abilities to respect our needs and feelings and to establish appropriate limits when necessary. By strengthening these skills, we become less reactive to the behaviors of others and empower ourselves to know how to take care of ourselves.
Don’t let yourself be dominated by anger
While anger is a basic human feeling, like sadness, fear, or joy, it shouldn’t hurt your relationships. Within the couple, arguments are sometimes present, but they should not jeopardize your love story. If you feel anger building up and overwhelming you, take matters into your own hands! First, breathe very deeply and slowly. Leave the room, take the air for a few minutes if you need to. It is important to relieve the pressure. There is no point in shouting and yelling, it is not constructive. You must therefore calm down before continuing the discussion. Because, in a couple, it is important to speak and communicate without exploding your nervousness. Learning to manage your anger means avoiding hurtful words and petty attacks.
How to communicate by channeling your anger?
To find common ground within the couple and renew the dialogue, it is necessary to take a step back. You have the right to be angry, but you need to express it clearly and not aggressively. Get in a quiet place and, especially if you have children, don’t expose them to your arguments. Know that the environment has a direct impact on the way you express yourself. Moreover, arguments at the supermarket are more common than during a walk in the forest! Choose a quiet room, or a place in a park, surrounded by greenery. Resume the discussion when you feel calm. Then, express your feelings as clearly as possible: use the “I” before the “you”. Explain why you felt judged or criticized.
How can anger benefit the couple?
When anger is fleeting and does not turn into violence, it can be helpful in straightening things out, explaining why a certain situation is no longer sustainable, or saying what makes you angry about the other. After the storm, the couple reunite and manage to manage their daily life more easily. Sometimes all it takes is a very small effort to play down a situation. There will always be misunderstandings and misunderstandings in a life together. Even the best love stories have slumps. But we must keep in mind that the key to a harmonious relationship is communication! It is therefore important to succeed in expressing your annoyance without shouting. And above all, not to keep resentment and bitterness deep inside! So speak without censoring yourself!