How to disengage from someone you still love
Several guidelines and tips to stop suffering for loving someone who does not suit you.
There are moments in life when we quickly get hooked on or fall in love with a person with whom, objectively, we know it is better not to be. A very strong part of us hopelessly wants to be with her, but our more rational part constantly warns us that it is better not to continue. In this article we will discuss how to emotionally detach yourself from someone you like?
This can happen for many reasons: it may be that there are things about the other person that we do not like that are important to us, because the other does not fall in love with us, because the other person may have another partner, or because they have skipped covenants in a way that we don’t want to forgive.
That is when the moment comes when the head prevails and we decide to end that hitch that does not allow us to advance. But those who have been in this situation know that it is not as easy as it seems and that the pain suffered when separating from someone we still love is difficult to face.
How to disengage from a person you still love?
At the beginning of a relationship, when we like someone and we enter the initial infatuation phase, there are a multitude of neurotransmitters and hormones that invade us. Dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin and norepinephrine are some of the protagonists. They are what make you spend hours and hours without sleep talking to that person, without eating, and without thinking about anything else. They are the ones that give us that state of “high” and those that your body misses when you separate from that person.
It is because of them that it is so difficult for you to stand firm in your conscious decision to separate. The ones that make that love feel like an addition.
Despite the pain and the great difficulty of leaving someone you love, you have to know that, following some guidelines, that addition and that pain will last less time. And little by little and just without realizing it, it will be relieved. Let’s see some tips on what to do in these cases.
1. Write your reasons for separating from this person
This task is essential. When you are calm write down your compelling reasons for not being with that person. That list is important that you have on hand in moments of weakness, which undoubtedly there will be.
Neither magnify nor minimize them, be realistic and write them to keep them in mind when nostalgia comes, it will surely come.
2. Avoid seeing and touching that person
Oxytocin is the hormone that causes affect. When you see and touch the person you love, the levels of this hormone rise in the blood. And this makes the bond and attachment to that person remain, and even rise. There are studies that say that looking into the eyes and hugging are the behaviors that release the most oxytocin. Therefore avoid seeing and touching him.
To achieve this, it is also important that you stop following him on networks to avoid photos and videos. I know this step is very difficult but it is the most important step to start moving forward. If you can’t do it all at once, do it little by little, but do it as soon as possible.
3. Avoid doing the same plans and routines that you did with that person
In love, dopamine has a lot of presence, it is the hormone that participates in the addiction circuits. When we receive and give love, dopamine is the cause of that state of excitement and high.
When we stop doing it, the decrease in this hormone makes our body and mind long for it and look for it again, especially in those places and times where we received it. That is why it is important to avoid those places where everything is the same but only the person is missing. Change your habits.
4. Resort to strategies and set traps for the most vulnerable moments
Anticipate in the worst moments and think of strategies that you can carry out in moments of more “down” where you see that there is a risk of relapse and contact. For example, delete your number, turn off your mobile or leave it at home, go out, meet friends when you feel lonely.
5. Control constantly thinking about the other
This is very difficult, I know. But you have to be aware that you can manage your thoughts. The thoughts will come again and again, but it is up to you to let yourself be carried away by them, becoming paralyzed or to be attentive when they come and shift your attention to something else. At first it will seem that you can’t, but little by little you will have more and more spaces free of thoughts about that person and you will feel better.
6. Beware of self-deception
The brain and our body will use thousands of tricks and strategies to make you fall and get everything you like and need (adrenaline, oxytocin, etc.), so be very attentive to self-deception like: “For seeing him once nothing happens “” I will only meet him one more time and it will be the last. ” Be careful with them, be attentive and turn to your list from point 1 when you see that they invade you.
They will be eternal days and very hard days, you will not have a good time. But little by little there will be more and more spaces of tranquility.
One more day is a very important and fundamental advance so that you can free yourself from the addition and this hook that you do not want for yourself. I know it’s not easy because I know what I’m talking about, but you know that time will gradually ease that pain. Don’t make it longer, you don’t deserve it. If you need help getting it, ask a psychology professional. You can.
Eric Cameron is a passionate relationship coach and counselor with a focus on helping couples reconnect and build strong and lasting relationships. He has years of experience working with couples and helping them to understand the intricacies of healthy relationships. He also provides guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship and deal with difficult topics. Eric’s approach is tailored specifically to the couple’s needs and he has a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw upon.