When you love another person, protecting them from pain is almost an instinct. Here is the best way to end a relationship for years without making the other person suffer.
No one likes to talk about it. Seeing cry or suffer the person you loved is not pretty. Whatever your reason for ending it, the ideal is to leave the relationship in a positive way. So we help you with an action plan to finish in the best possible way.
What do you need to end the relationship in a good way? The way you behave during the breakup is essential for it to come out positively. Be sure to be considerate and honest, but firm.
1. Be completely honest
When you have a relationship for years, you know the other person in depth. Your likes, dislikes and even when you lie. Honesty is the best strategy when you have to say things that can hurt.
Lying to him in this situation will make everything more complicated, because he will believe the reasons you give him to be invalid and he will have doubts about the feelings during the time they shared. Do not lengthen it, do not complicate it. The truth hurts, but it hurts more than someone you love lies to you.
2. Watch your words and the way you say things
Keep calm and explain what you think in a calm and reasonable way, without anger. This will show consideration and may cause you less pain. Try to put yourself in his shoes, what you will tell him is difficult to digest, you can be honest without being hurtful.
3. Shows the greatest possible maturity
This is not entirely up to you because both must be mature at that time, but it is good to consider it. If your boyfriend is something childish or has trouble controlling his anger, he will most likely not get hurt, but you will build a drama worthy of an Oscar.
If this is your case, keep in mind that things can escalate easily and very quickly. You must be attentive so that your rupture does not become a screaming and bombardment of hurtful things.
4. Consider how much you emotionally invested in the relationship
This is another external factor and with much more weight. How serious was the relationship for your partner? If he expected to marry you, share his life and other future plans with you, ending will hurt him a lot.
It is still your decision, but it is important that you take into account your feelings so that you do not freeze it more than necessary. Respect what they had and give them time to feel their pain. Maybe you want to finish fast to avoid the bad time, but he deserves your attention and consideration.
How to end a long relationship without suffering?
Laura Berman, sex therapist and author of “The Book of Love,” raises these tips to make the break as painless as possible:
1. Choose a good time of day
The moment you are going to finish is key. Both should have enough time to talk and comfort to understand each other. Doing it in the morning means that you would be late in your work routine, after dinner it can cause indigestion and a whole night without sleep.
Find a time where both are comfortable and without external pressures.
2. Do it in person
It is not new that technology makes us feel braver. It is much easier to write things through a screen than say them face to face. But don’t go the easy way. Out of respect for your relationship and the love you have for him, talk to him in person.
3. Think and prepare what you will say before talking to him
Try to talk to yourself to prepare for that difficult time. Think about what questions or comments he could ask you and prepare your answers.
When planning the conversation ahead of time, you will be more emotionally prepared and less anxious when the time comes to talk to him. Planning is key, so you avoid losing control when expressing yourself.
4. Choose a public place, but not so public
You need a place where neither of you feels too trapped or locked up, but private enough so that they don’t attract too much attention. A quiet bench in a park is a good choice, a table for two in a stuck restaurant is not.
5. Avoid doing it when you have drunk alcohol
Alcohol lowers inhibitions. You may be tempted to have a drink to calm your nerves before talking to him or that you have gone out to drink and the effect of alcohol precipitates your decision to end the relationship.
Do not do it. It is important to keep your head clear and clear in order to make sure you finish delicately. When you drink, you can say things you don’t feel, they can get violent or even the next day either of you could have forgotten what happened.
6. Keep a positive attitude
Ending him doesn’t mean you can’t recognize his good things. Nice and kind words can have a lasting impact on this situation and will give something positive to what you can cling to after the break.
Just because the relationship has not worked does not mean that he is a bad person or that they should hate each other at the end.
7. Be direct and honest
Tell him what happens bluntly. We are human, we are not perfect and we learn from our mistakes. He deserves to know what didn’t work, give him the opportunity to learn and change it for his next relationship.
But keep in mind that you are not perfect either, so you better be prepared for what he can tell you. Do not close, receive comments with an open mind. Maybe you have interesting things that you hadn’t thought about yourself.
8. Censure what is necessary
Being direct does not mean that you should scrub the face to the smallest detail. It is important to know what to censor. Berman explains: “Don’t go deep into hurtful details. He doesn’t have to know that you have your eye on your office partner or that you are dying to go out to flirt. ”
Analyze what is useful to say and what is not. Your reasons should allow you to understand why the relationship did not work, give you the opportunity to improve those aspects and understand how they were not compatible. Untill there. You don’t have explanations that could harm them.
9. Be firm, that you have no doubts about the break
If you are convinced that the problems they have can no longer be fixed, do not let some hope remain in it. For this you don’t have to be rude, just make your position clear and be firm. It’s hard, but wishing you the best in your future relationships can help you.
If you are not firm, you will let false hopes remain in him and he will believe that things can work in the future. This will prevent him from having a closure and he may spend more time trying to win back you than moving on with his life.
10. Do your best, but don’t expect a safe closing
It is not always possible to finish things well. Sometimes because of his immaturity, sometimes because of what he expected from his relationship with you and his plans for the future.
If this is your case, the best thing you can do is simply leave when you have nothing more to say. Silences and absences also respond.
11. Stay away from him on social networks
Recovering from the break should be the # 1 priority for both of you. Disable your posts in your Facebook feed or remove it from your friends, stop following it on Instagram and don’t harass it on Twitter. It will be easier to overcome the separation if you are not seeing their publications at all times.
This is necessary with all kinds of contact in real life too. It is not by burn or much less. A break is just that, break all contact and relationship with him. Do not look for it by pity or to see if it is well. Keep up with your life and allow a space for the two to heal.
12. Whatever you do, don’t come back with him
The vertigo of looking back is greater than that of looking down. The nostalgia that memories of your relationship can bring you is dangerous.
You must break the bad habit of not seeing things realistically. If it didn’t work once and you ended up for the right reasons, they will probably end up again for those same reasons. Prevents both suffer twice.
All breaks are different, but all are difficult
It requires a lot of courage to tell someone what we feel when we know – or think – that we are going to hurt him. Many people stay in a bad relationship because they are afraid to take that step. Do not stay for pity or fear, arm yourself with courage and do it the right way.
There is no guarantee that they will end without conflict, but if you are kind and have compassion, the experience can be a bit more positive. Bad communication is never the solution, and this is one of the most sensitive conversations you will have with him, so take care of every detail.
Phrases to end a relationship of years
Focus on explaining the reasons why it didn’t work and on stressing that no one deserves to be in a relationship in which they no longer feel happy. Examples: «You are a great person, but the relationship is no longer exciting and does not fill us. We deserve better, “I love you, but it doesn’t work.”
Can I use a letter to end a relationship without harming my boyfriend?
Sometimes it is easier to explain in writing what one thinks than to say it to the face. A letter can be a fairly personal method, but it is still ideal to speak after you read it so you have the opportunity to respond.
How to end a chat relationship without hurting my boyfriend?
This is very complicated. Using a chat, Whatsapp or some other social network to end a relationship, implies that you do not value it. Most likely, you will hurt him or bother him a lot. In the worst case, if you can’t do it in person, a call is better.
What to say to end a relationship?
The truth always. Tell him how good you saw in him, what you appreciate and what they enjoyed together, but let him understand why it doesn’t work anymore.
What to do after ending a long relationship?
Ending a relationship, especially for years, is a process that takes time and action. The first thing you should keep in mind is not to extend it more than you should. It is valid to cry, but you must assimilate it.
Recognize that you are no longer with him, but keep in mind that you are not alone. Leaning on your friends and staying busy is key at this time of your breakup. Take it as a therapy, but not as an escape. Allow yourself to feel the duel of the loss, without it controlling you.
Rebuild your routine, dedicate time to yourself, sign up for the gym, dedicate yourself to your studies or work. And stay away from him. Delete it from social networks if you need it. It is important that you eliminate the contact for a while, so that you do not get caught in the same dynamic.
How to end a relationship of years?
First analyze if your reasons are really good, if there really is no way to fix it. If you are convinced, the method is the same. Talk to him, be honest and straightforward. Thank you for the time you spent and worked to make it work all that time is a detail that you will appreciate.
No one wants to be in the position of breaking another person’s heart, but sometimes it is better to know when to end to avoid suffering in the future.
If you are worried about knowing how to end a relationship of years without hurting the other, it is because there was sincere affection in that relationship. Treasure good memories and give the best possible closure to move forward.