Although marriage is the oldest institution of mankind, today an increasing number of people remain unhappy in it. Against the backdrop of the decline of marital relations, many are interested in how to be happy in marriage? Can he be happy, perfect for me? What tips or secrets apply to create such a marriage? Perhaps you also have similar questions? Then you have come to the right place because believe us, we have something to tell you.
The thought of writing this article smiled at me for a long time. Our 25th wedding anniversary is coming soon . Sufficient time to comprehend what makes him durable, happy? Sufficient time to gain experience that you can share with others without being afraid to give advice.
Of course, there have been sad, scary times in our marriage and there will be more, but I am sure we will overcome them. Because we use reliable, proven methods to help make the marriage union strong and reliable. What helped, helps us? Read below and very carefully!
Secrets to creating a happy marriage
We always talk about the problem, grievances, hurt feelings
Agree, it is better to discuss problems than to remain silent, pretending that nothing happened. Therefore, when problems arise, we try to understand what led to a misunderstanding, resentment, to avoid hurting each other’s feelings in the future.
We understand that sometimes each of us can be unrestrained, so it is important to talk about the problem, and not rely on telepathy. Such a struggle for happiness in marriage is practical, useful, and right!
Good night wishes as an act of reconciliation
We never go to bed without a mutual wish of “good night” saying: “I love you.” We made it a rule for ourselves: first to reconcile, resolve the offense, stop being angry with each other, then only go to bed.
Praise, apology – an essential tool of relationships
Mutually praise, hug, apologize and thank – this is the key to a happy marriage. In our marriage, we adhere to the principle: even when angry, beware of yelling or swearing at your marriage partner. Compliance with this principle is good for our health, keeps our stress levels normal.
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Why is it good for a husband to praise his wife?
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Practicing daily gratitude
For example, we thank each other for what we have, remembering that the simple word “thank you” inspires. Is it hard to say thank you to each other? Not! And how much this word can do. In a way, this is the grounding of our marriage so that it is not killed by the current of selfishness and ingratitude.
A happy, successful marriage involves a lot of giving and a little taking.
We like to give each other more time, attention, and energy! This helps, gives strength to consciously work on oneself, one’s ego so that the marriage partner feels good, comfortable in the marriage union (the keywords here are “convenient, good”).
Enjoying each other’s company
Another secret to being happy in any marriage is to be able to put your gadgets aside and enjoy each other’s company. For example, cuddling up to each other to watch a movie or chat. You need to take the time to learn to listen and hear what your marriage partner has to say.
Sometimes you can just fool around, for example, arranging a pillow fight. The ability to defuse a dangerous atmosphere with tomfoolery is a great opportunity to maintain good relations in a marriage. Believe me, enjoying the company with your life partner is cool!
We have a great life developing a realistic view of each other
My wife and I strive to develop it in the things we do, not expecting perfection from imperfect people. We are sure the earth will still rotate around its axis if only half the battle has been done. If the wife did not have time to clean up, the food for dinner was burnt, or I delay the repair, this is not fatal.
We understood that we will be happy in the family when we learn to bring out the best qualities of each other. Therefore, we focus our attention not on mutual shortcomings, but on strengths that are not ideal but are always ideal for us.
We don’t try to force each other
We help each other change for the better. What used to irritate us mutually now causes a smile, even bewilderment, “how could you be irritated by such trifles”? Because we know that there are more important things in life – mutual understanding, love, personal preferences, respect. Now our relations have acquired a new level – better, deeper.
We work together
My wife and I have learned one truth – joint work brings together. When we work together, learning to see the quality and result of the work done, our love and marriage are not covered with a layer of dust.
A happy marriage takes effort to become friends.
We build our relationships on trust, perseverance, and hard work. Therefore, my wife and I are working together on the quality of our relationship. We constantly learn to value each other’s company. We always say that we would not like to attend the funeral speech of a deceased marriage. When friends will say how they appreciated our family, but it’s a pity that it broke up.
Marriage will not be able to hear eulogies from the grave (divorce). It will gradually die if you lose mutual trust, ceasing to “plow” with persistence over its strengthening.
Appreciate, respect work, interests of each other
Our taste in music, food and many other areas is different. Nevertheless, we enjoy diversity by celebrating our achievements and talents. In the future, we managed to find a lot in common in interests, outlooks on life. It helped to use our differences to unite and achieve happiness.
Developing the right outlook on life
Life is full of pitfalls, bumps, hidden holes. Accepting this fact, we continue to move on. We understand that no matter how hard you try, there will be “falls”, but you will be able to make a happy marriage when you learn to rise after the falls.
Learned to appreciate the little things
A freshly cleaned bathroom floor, a new bedspread, a favorite cake – it seems like a small thing, but strong relationships are built with small things. Therefore, we learn to notice, appreciate such little things, not taking them for granted.
Life is a crazy cycle because of which it is not easy to pay attention to the little things, but it is worth learning. Then, believe me, some things done by a husband/wife become not only a duty but a manifestation of attention, care for each other.
We refrain from mutual accusations, do not keep score of insults
Why consider who is the first and how many times whom offended? It’s a “mangy lichen” for a marriage to do that. It doesn’t matter who was the initiator. It is important to learn promptly, to stop. Our motto is “WE”, not “YOU”.
Developing the right relationship with relatives
Sometime after marriage, we came to understand that marriage is a union between two people, not two families. We love our families: relatives, parents, brothers, sisters, but we will not let them influence our relationships in the family. We like to spend time in the family circle with relatives, but only when we have time and desire.
This helped us avoid common family conflicts over relatives. We have established a ” taboo” for ourselves to blame and compare each other with our relatives. For example: “you are like your mother; you look like your daddy.”
Our sense of humor
This is an important detail, so I saved it for the finale. No matter what difficulties befall our marriage, we do not lose heart. We turn many problems into jokes. Even if one of us “sat in a puddle” – this is an occasion for mutual jokes, good-natured teasing. Both my wife and I know this is a joke! Therefore, life in our marriage does not seem boring and sad to us.
Is there a formula for the perfect marriage?
Are you looking for the formula for the perfect marriage? I don’t think there is such a formula in reality. But there are tips on what a couple can do to make their marriage perfect for them.
Definition of the Ideal Marriage
A marriage that has all the necessary desirable qualities for a couple, the properties to satisfy each other’s needs as well as possible, is considered ideal. And that can be any marriage.
You can watch a movie, read books, listen to someone’s theories, reviews, stating that for an ideal marriage, a wife should be at least five years younger than her husband, more educated than him, more successful, but this is not enough in life.
Needless to say, it takes a lot more than the right choice of life partner, age, education, or wealth. We need not only love but also similar goals, values of life, the ability to communicate, resolve conflicts, be honest, sensitive, and faithful people. It takes desire, hard work, effort, and tremendous patience. Only then is it possible to create an ideal marriage?
Conclusion
Many books, online pages, and films have been made about happy ideal marriages. People are tenderly ready to watch, read, dream of such a relationship, continuing to remain unhappy in marriage.
But there is another option – not to become obsessed with finding a formula for how to be happy in marriage, but to focus on what can be done to become happy. Knowing what to work on, having a good example in front of you, making a focused effort to achieve a happy relationship, any marriage can be a happy one.
Eric Cameron is a passionate relationship coach and counselor with a focus on helping couples reconnect and build strong and lasting relationships. He has years of experience working with couples and helping them to understand the intricacies of healthy relationships. He also provides guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship and deal with difficult topics. Eric’s approach is tailored specifically to the couple’s needs and he has a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw upon.