Relationships require a degree of commitment and willpower that in itself make the experience challenging. Despite the myths about romantic love that circulate, the truth is that for a romance to work it is necessary to invest time and effort, and do it proactively. In this article we will discuss how often do couples fight in a healthy relationship?
This is why conflict in relationships is relatively common. Simply, married couples and grooms share too much time and activities with each other so that certain frictions do not arise from time to time.
Now… what are the most frequent reasons why couples argue? Assuming that the clash of wills is almost inevitable, it is good to know if these small crises are similar to the ones that other relationships have or if there really is some more specific and unique problem that is playing a trick on us.
The Most Common Reasons Couples Argue
In my experience, these are the typical causes that cause conflict and discord to appear in relationships.
1. Free time
Free time is one of the great triggers of discussions in the love context. Why? Because it responds to biological needs almost as basic as food. Free time is ultimately doing what the body asks of us, be it cultivating a hobby or resting. Taking into account that cultivating the well-being of the couple is practically a job , it is normal that from time to time the need arises to disconnect from making a life of their own regardless of what the loved one does at that moment.
Thus, discussions about leisure time can appear in three different ways. The first one has to do with the amount of free time that each person needs; easily, one of them will require more time to do what you want, and the other, less, which will appear an imbalance that must be managed.
The second way in which these couple discussions usually appear is not based so much on the quantity as on the quality of those activities. There are hobbies that require special conditions, and the other person may frown on what is done. For example, if a person likes to do mountaineering, he may have problems with his partner because he is concerned about the danger that this entails.
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The third way in which these conflicts appear has to do with expectations about whether free time is experienced by each individual or if it is done as a couple. Some people take for granted that “normal” is the first option, while for others the opposite is the case.
2. Problems of order and cleanliness
Another major cause of arguments in relationships is the order that must be maintained at home, and the cleanliness of the home. And it is that the most normal thing is that each one has their own conception of what it means to live in an orderly and clean home, and the slightest gap between these generates a lot of discomfort both in those who want to see everything more collected and in the person to whom that you constantly demand that you pick up your things and your dirt.
In addition, the most problematic thing about this is that there is no rational reason that allows justifying the criterion that each one follows to consider whether a room is collected or not. In the end, as in most cases, the solution comes through negotiation and compromise.
3. Privacy
Intimacy is, as the very concept indicates, something very personal. That is why it is not always easy to make it fit perfectly with the expectations that are established in the relationship , which by definition is interpersonal.
Each individual has a threshold that they consider that others should not cross, and when the other person goes beyond this, the feeling is as unpleasant as it is difficult to justify.
This is noticeable both in sexuality and physical contact as it concerns some secrets that we do not want to be known or by our partner. Each individual has his psychological backroom, but you have to know how to manage the expectations that the other has when it comes to knowing how the world looks from our eyes.
4. Money
It may seem trivial to argue about money, but when a good portion of the patrimony is shared, the occasions in which the conflict arises because of this are numerous. This is normal, since very large expenses and very expensive products may be involved.
In the end, it only remains to be seen that no matter how much we share life with a person we love, we will never be as good as the other person when detecting the injustices that she suffers (normally, without economic imbalances having been sought by us, that yes.
5. Problems with the family
The extended family comes with the partner we choose, but it doesn’t have to fit in with us. But the way in which we act in the face of this type of friction can determine if another problem will be added to this problem that will fully touch the core of our relationship and that will cause many discussions. And is that laziness, passive-aggressive attitude or hints about in-laws do not have to be well received by the other person.
6. Jealousy
Arguments due to jealousy are somewhat less frequent than those we have seen so far, because they are usually something that is difficult to recognize openly. However, the trace of romantic love based on the myth that we possess the other person still causes this type of mirages, according to which the honor of some people depends on the degree to which their partner approaches individuals who can be considered competitors in the romantic.
In this case, the best thing to do is to be clear that if there is jealousy this is one’s own problem, and that the best thing to do is to simply nip it in the bud, as they do not bring anything good either for oneself or for the other person who forms the couple.
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Eric Cameron is a passionate relationship coach and counselor with a focus on helping couples reconnect and build strong and lasting relationships. He has years of experience working with couples and helping them to understand the intricacies of healthy relationships. He also provides guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship and deal with difficult topics. Eric’s approach is tailored specifically to the couple’s needs and he has a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw upon.