Sometimes it hurts to know that “together forever” is not true. Really, a heartbreak is the worst and the biggest frustration is not knowing what to do when you getting over a breakup.
Sometimes our first hiding place is to cover our eyes, pretend that nothing happened, but we well know that things do not work that way. So here we will give you some tips to make this unpleasant episode more bearable, what to do when you end a relationship?
1. Don’t Get Fond Of Bad Feelings
Have you never been told that you are only looking for excuses to get angry? We don’t like to admit it, but sometimes we find comfort in some feelings and we end up getting fond. The problem is that there are bad feelings.
Resentment, for example, is a very unproductive feeling. It’s like drinking the poison waiting for your enemy to die: it will never work.
Dr. Romance tells us: “If you did your best and still know that it’s over, don’t waste your time with resentment and anger.”
This is a self-destructive behavior. Losing yourself in those feelings is a mere distraction that only takes you away from the emotions you really have to deal with. Those are much harder to face, but I assure you it is worth doing.
Face them and you will see how flowers grow where it used to hurt. Don’t avoid your grief; Tina says: “It will prevent you from finding a more satisfactory relationship.” Talk to your friends, cry, write, exercise, find a good hobby. Do not drown in anger or grief.
You must put those emotions aside and make room for the will to move on. Also, you shouldn’t let resentment and pain take away what one day love gave you.
2. Don’t Get Carried Away By Guilt
As unproductive as resentment is to blame. Dr. Romance compares it with payments to months without interest, when you buy something very expensive: the payment is eternal.
Like most of the items on the list of “things you shouldn’t do when you getting over a breakup,” guilt is a deviation from suffering and is never pretty. You should not get carried away by those feelings. Do the duel you need to heal and don’t stagnate.
Tina recommends that you grieve and that you analyze what problems you caused or helped create in your relationship. Also think about what you need to change, everything that didn’t work for you in that relationship and you know you need to work to improve.
Now is the time to put the blame aside, accept that the problem is not just yours or his, that it takes two people for a relationship to fail … and move on.
3. Don’t Blame
Another of the things you should not do when you getting over a breakup is to go around blaming. Tina B. Tessina tells us that if you start blaming your ex, eventually that fault will be taken against you.
You need to rethink everything you will tell your ex. Dr. Romance recommends that, instead of blaming it, look for neutral things you can say. When you talk to him, you should avoid saying anything that can give you some hope.
Also stay away from what makes you feel bad or may cause you a problem. Good examples are saying things like: “we were looking for different things” or “we had a very good time together, but things change.”
Avoid thinking about who did what, who is to blame or not. That will never solve anything. Even if your ex is already with someone else, or if that person had something to do with your decision to end the relationship, don’t blame them.
Keep in mind that both you and they are trying to cope with this situation and it is not easy; so show your stronger side and help make the process a little less complicated.
For more read: How To Reconcile A Relationship After Break Up
4. Don’t Idealize A Relationship That Had Problems
Another of the essential things you should do when you getting over a breakup is to keep everything that questions your decision away from your mind. Do not question it! And, as much as you miss it, don’t look for traces of happiness in memories.
Dr. Romance mentions that you should stick to the idea that they already had problems and that is why you decided to end. So learn to trust the person you were at the time you decided and stick to it. Making decisions is the only way forward.
It will never be easy to get the idea that your relationship, no matter how long or short, has ended. But it does help you to accept it.
Tina says: “Once a bond was created, even if the relationship is horrible, it will be difficult to get away from both the man and the woman.” So if you already took courage and made the decision to separate, you really wanted it at that time.
5. Don’t Overdo The Drama
Another thing you should do when you getting over a breakup is to put the cards on the table and realize that it is not impossible to overcome. Yes, you are probably disappointed and we know how much it can hurt, but it is not the end of your life.
The end of a relationship is a great opportunity to do and know new and exciting things. So get up and grab your life by the horns. May pain and fear not take away what one day love gave you.
Dr. Romance advises that you look into your future and realize what you can do to improve it. Stay busy, focus on finding activities and people that enrich your days. You could even venture and start a new business or hobby.
Whatever you do, under no circumstances start dramatizing with people. Do not walk the world telling everyone that you will now die alone and with 10 cats because, honestly, we know that this will not happen.
With this we do not want to minimize what you feel. It hurts a lot, but don’t worry! You will probably one day remember with humor how sad you were.
You should avoid at all costs immersing yourself in self-pity. For NOTHING in the world mark your ex drunk.
And, if you do, don’t run to tell everyone. Do not try to make people pity you, because you are drowned in your sadness or because last night you spoke to your ex, being drunk.
Read more: Writing A Letter To Your Ex After A Breakup
6. Don’t Forget To Analyze When Getting Over A Breakup
Within the list of what to do when you getting over a breakup, this is something we rarely do. We tend to focus on what we will do to overcome it, such as staying busy or avoiding thinking about our ex, but it should not be 100% so.
Even if you were the one who ended the relationship, you were part of its dissolution. Just as it takes two to form a courtship, it takes those same two to end it.
Tina B. Tessina says you must understand that you had partial control over what happened and not a total one. She recommends that you sit down to analyze what didn’t work in the relationship.
Do not misunderstand. This is not a self-flagellation exercise. You just have to realize that in your relationship things happened that you could not control and you should not blame yourself for them.
Half of the fault lies with your ex and the other part of the things that went wrong were your responsibility. Accept your part so you can avoid these mistakes in your next love affair.
7. Do Not Repeat Your Mistakes, Learn From Them
It is already known that it did not work. That can be devastating, unless you look at that break as a tool to find what you want with someone in the future.
Take your separation as an experience from which you can learn. We learn more from mistakes. Not for nothing one of my favorite phrases is that if we never make mistakes we will not know when we are really right.
“All disappointment is a learning moment,” says Tina. When you start dating someone else, make sure you don’t repeat the patterns of your last relationship. How to do that? Here is the process:
After the first post rupture stroke, check the basis of your relationship. How was the dynamic between you? Look closely at the details and find where the error was. When did everything start to collapse? What went wrong and when?
Once you’ve accomplished that, ask yourself what you could have done better. Learn from those mistakes. But waters! Dr. Romance places a lot of emphasis on not making you have a hard time for those failures.
“There is no need to have a bad time,” she says. “Don’t torture yourself, you simply need to process your mistakes so you don’t repeat the same in your next relationship.”
8. Avoid Being Self Destructive
Tina mentions that it is very easy to get out of control after a breakup, especially if you spend it burning wood with self-destructive attitudes.
This is something obvious, but it doesn’t hurt to remind you. As much as it hurts, don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol and don’t bury your grief by sleeping for days.
Nor do you isolate yourself from the world. “A little time alone is good for reflection, but isolation is a sign of depression,” says Tina. If you realize that you are in this situation, nothing happens; but you are in a good moment to ask for help.
Also, you should avoid talking badly about your ex with all your acquaintances. No matter how much courage you feel, don’t do it! You will look bad talking about someone with whom you had a relationship that you enjoyed at some point.
Monitoring the use of your social networks is another smart thing to do when you getting over a breakup.
You are in a complicated moment, but don’t let yourself fall apart. Do not let your separation take away your whole life.
9. Do Not Panic While Getting Over A Breakup
Although in one study they found that women are more likely than men to suffer for longer after a separation, they also found that women are more resistant in the long term after the breakup.
Give yourself the opportunity to have a time of mourning, allow yourself to cry, give yourself all the time you need to feel the pain of loss and the feelings that it entails, and then, once you feel ready, put all your energy into rebuilding your life .
Dr. Romance says that the best thing you can do is «rebuild your emotional, personal and financial life as soon as you can. Look at all the things you now have the freedom to do and try some of them ».
It is also a good time to do those things that you enjoy so much, but you stopped doing. Or dare to try things you’ve never done.
10. Do Not Isolate Yourself
“You don’t have to go out at this moment and go back to dating, take the necessary time for that,” says Dr. Romance. But there is a world of difference between going on a date and always staying alone at home.
Maintaining your social life is important, especially at this time. You probably feel that it is easier to get away from everyone in these days of mourning, but the truth is that in the long run you will only manage to feel miserable.
Instead of drowning in isolation, stay close to your loved ones. You need your support.
Tina advises: “Even if you still don’t feel ready to be with people, spend some time with your closest friends and family. This will help you heal and remind you that, no matter what happened, there are still people who love you.
11. Do Not Stay Without Doing Anything
Doing nothing is the worst right now. Get up and do something useful and productive!
“This will take up your time and prevent you from becoming obsessed with your ex,” says Tina. It doesn’t matter much what you decide to do, it just matters that you spend doing something these days.
Reading, for example, is a very absorbent activity. For this you use much more of your brain than what you need to watch TV or listen to music; So it’s a very good way to keep your head away from someone for a short period of time.
But if reading is very quiet or overwhelming, focus on doing something you always wanted: learn a language, practice a sport, travel. Adopt that hobby you’ve always admired: plant vegetables in your garden or write.
You can even start volunteering or get involved in some social or sports group. The idea is not to stand idly by. Take your time and your head into something else … away from your ex!
Do not think, do! This, in addition to keeping you busy, focuses on the future and not the past. Eventually, you will realize how happy you can be if you channel your attention to a healthy life.
A Break Is A Process
Since you have the list of things you shouldn’t do when you getting over a breakup, it is important that you understand the breakup as a process.
The stereotype of a broken heart constantly tends to focus simply on a lonely, sad and innocent soul that has been rejected by its ex. But the truth is that it is much more complex than that.
Overcoming a break is not a picnic. Once you realize that the relationship is over, you must move on with your life and trust that you did the right thing.
Throughout the overcoming, do not get carried away by the intense episodes in which you miss your ex. You should not collapse those moments in which, without realizing it, you clench your fists so as not to see that you have your partner’s empty hands.
Something very useful is to write. This not only works for a break. So important is to write what we feel when we are in love as it is when we have a broken heart. It allows you to meet you.
And it is not to decorate the other, it is to keep a record and remember how you felt, a personal reminder that it was possible and went ahead.
Anyway, sometimes it takes someone five minutes to enter our heart and a lifetime to leave it. But if you follow these 11 things to do when you getting over a breakup, you will achieve it faster.
Do not allow yourself to be buried in the duel. Fall in love, smile and keep pedaling, sweetheart.
What To Do When Getting Over A Breakup Badly?
If you are in the situation that your relationship ends in flames, the best thing you can do is try to detach yourself from those last bad moments and just remember that you were with that person for something. Surely they had good times.
So, out of respect for the relationship they had already with the person, try to avoid speaking badly all the time about your ex and his courtship. Don’t become that kind of person who shows a bad face when things get bad.
What To Do After Getting Over A Breakup?
What you should do, after ending a relationship, is to stay busy and close to your loved ones. Try not to isolate yourself, outside the time of reflection you need, and do your best to have your head on something other than the memory of your ex.
Start doing activities that have you with a future mindset and not drowned in memories. This will allow you to overcome the break and focus on your life and happiness.
Stages When You Getting Over A Breakup
When you run into a break after a relationship, whether long or short, you will deal with several stages to overcome it.
First is denial. This is the first stage of mourning and the most recurrent. Then there is the stage of anger, which we all experience after a breakup. These first two stages will be constantly mixed.
After that whirlwind of emotions, you will encounter negotiation, where you will try to establish better terms with yourself, despite what you feel. Since you passed this is when memories and feelings hit harder and there comes a stage of depression.
Once you channel this, you will enter acceptance and you can overcome the break.
Phrases When You Getting Over A Breakup
If you are thinking about ending a love relationship, try to be frontal and that the other person is clear that the end of the courtship is final and there is no going back. You can say phrases like: “That the relationship ends does not mean that we stop loving each other, we are simply avoiding harming ourselves.”
Or you can say something like: “You have to accept that things are over and that we must move forward to continue being happy alone or with someone else.”
What To Do When They Finish With You?
When you have just finished it may seem that the world is closing on you, but calm down! Not everything is finished. One of the things you can do when they finish with you is not to get carried away by guilt.
Understand that, even if they have finished you, it takes two people to start a relationship and those two people to end it. Just as some responsibility falls on you, the other part falls on your partner.
Don’t be tormented that you did everything wrong and, once you understand that, try to learn from your mistakes for future relationships.
What To Do When A Relationship Of Lovers Ends?
A relationship of lovers is somewhat complicated, especially when you start to feel something for the other person outside the mere physical attraction and sexual chemistry. The feelings you will have after separation are not very different from when a conventional courtship ends.
So if you ended a relationship like this recently, follow our guide with 11 things to do when you getting over a breakup and tell us how you are doing the separation.
Do not forget to share our article on your social networks.
Eric Cameron is a passionate relationship coach and counselor with a focus on helping couples reconnect and build strong and lasting relationships. He has years of experience working with couples and helping them to understand the intricacies of healthy relationships. He also provides guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship and deal with difficult topics. Eric’s approach is tailored specifically to the couple’s needs and he has a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw upon.