If you face the end of a relationship, it is perfectly normal that you are wondering when the hell are you going to stop feeling miserable, sad and wanting to call your ex to ask him to come back or yell at him to rot in hell … or both.
Loving up always leaves us with negative feelings that are very difficult to deal with. Here we leave you 7 things that you need to go through yes or yes to finally overcome the issue and move on with your life.
1. Overcome the stages of denial and negotiation
After the day of “thunder”, we all spend some time believing that it really is not over, that the other person is going to realize his mistake and will come back begging us to give him another chance. That is the stage of denial.
The problem is that it is very likely that the other party is thinking exactly the same thing: that you will return to your knees. When they realize that none is going to give in, or that the break was serious, the negotiation stage begins.
We miss both the relationship or the person, that we enter a kind of withdrawal syndrome in which we begin to devise ways to return. “Maybe if I tell you this or that, if I promise you this, if I change this or that, we can get back together.”
The problem with the negotiation stage is that it is not usually objective. It is motivated by pain and despair, so we ignore the real reasons why it all ended.
Only until you accept that it is over and stop thinking about how to recover your ex, you will have taken the first step to overcome the break.
2. Realize that the world does not end
When you realize that there is no turning back, the most painful stage of the rupture begins, because during the denial and negotiation there was at least one hope. Now you must face the ultimate loss in all its magnitude.
At this point, you may begin to feel that literally your whole world is falling apart. You were so connected with your partner and shared so many things that facing life without it seems impossible.
Perhaps at this time you feel that you will never be happy again or experience a love similar to the one you had for your ex, especially if it is the first time you face the end of a long and meaningful relationship. But that is just the second step to overcome it: understand that life goes on.
Remember that there was a time when you were not yet a couple and yet you were perfectly capable of doing your things, of living your life, of pursuing your goals and, most importantly: you were able to enjoy and feel good.
3. Understand that it was not the most special
Love leads us to think that we have found our better half: the only person that complements us and with whom we can be happy. While the relationship lasts, this certainty is a source of infinite bliss and gratitude.
But when the relationship ends, this same idea makes us the most miserable: we convince ourselves that, somehow, we ruin our only chance to be happily ever after with our true love.
Without demerit of how special and valuable your ex-partner could have been, the reality is that there are millions of people in the world and, statistically, you are compatible with many of them. Even more than you and your ex were.
That is, you have not closed the doors of emotional happiness. It’s even likely that something much better will be waiting for you just around the corner.
It is very common that we stay with some resentment crossed when the end of a relationship comes. Perhaps we are very upset even about what caused the breakup, as an infidelity.
Maybe the way they treated us while we were together hurts. It may even bother us deeply that the other party has not decided to “fight” harder for us.
Regardless of the reason for this resentment, remember that forgiving is not only an act of kindness to the other, it is primarily an act of kindness to yourself.
Overcoming your ex also means that you manage to forgive him. Let go of all that anger that is really only taking away peace and emotional resources that you could be investing in activities that benefit you.
Forgiving does not mean that you will return with that person. It means that you will no longer let anything he said or do continue to hurt you.
5. Accept your pain and your mistakes
Sometimes we are so determined to overcome the end of a relationship that we pretend it is not affecting us, when it really hurts.
Suppressing your discomfort will not help you, because it will make you stagnate in emotional grief. Others may not notice, but deep down you know you are suffering. The best way to work that emotion is to accept it and let it flow.
On the other hand, as you learn to forgive, you have to learn to accept that surely you were not perfect either. You are a human being with defects and virtues, and perhaps you were also negligent or hurtful at some point.
It is not that you self-reproach anything, but that you accept reality in order to learn from your mistakes and become a better person. This failed relationship should leave you learning so that your next relationship is better.
6. To feel good about yourself again
Sharing time and experiences with a partner is wonderful, but it is also wonderful to be well alone with yourself.
It is natural that after a love break we feel “incomplete” and loneliness is experienced as something very unpleasant. But this feeling should not nest permanently in us.
If it doesn’t start to fade shortly, it means that you were too dependent on your ex-partner and that you probably sacrificed too much of yourself in the relationship. That’s why literally your ex has taken a part of you.
To feel good about ourselves again after the end of a relationship, it is sometimes necessary to go through a reconstruction process in which we resume our passions, tastes and individual interests. Thus, we become the best person with whom we could be.
7. Stop holding on to a “close”
Maybe you have already gone through the previous stages, but you feel that something is not enough to accommodate so that you can assimilate the break to 100%.
Maybe you think you missed giving or receiving an explanation or apology. It may be that the relationship has ended in a very negative way and now you realize that all that pain that was caused in the end was not necessary.
On rare occasions, two people who ended a relationship can give it an ideal “closure.” In other words, see each other after weeks or months of the break up to thank all they lived together, make it clear that there are no grudges and wish each other luck in the future. But, being honest, this almost never happens.
Generally, some of the parties are more resentful, cannot face interacting again with the ex-partner or simply have no interest in giving a positive closure to the subject.
If you need a closure to overcome that chapter of your life, it is best to do it with yourself. You can write in a letter everything you would like to have said to that person. You can even send it to her. But don’t expect to get an answer.
Sometimes you have to understand that things do not end as we would like. Learn from the experience and move on.
How is the end of a relationship? Men vs. women
Men and women generally do not experience the end of a relationship in the same way. In the end, both they and they end up overcoming the break and go through very similar phases, only in a different order and with varying intensity. For example:
– Women tend to feel their pain more intensely right after the break. While men try to keep their composure, but they last longer in the duel.
– Women turn to their friends, crying and a time of mourning to get their sadness out. Men usually look for a party with their friends and alcohol to make catharsis.
– Women first feel very bad and soon realize that life goes on. Men first feel relieved by the breakup, but then experience a stage of depression.
5 Signs that it is time to end a relationship
If you detect any of these signals in your current relationship, it is time to seriously consider whether it is worth following on:
1. The relationship is not making you a better person or motivating you to grow as a human being.
2. You receive any type of abuse from your partner, be it physical, psychological, economic or sexual.
3. Your partner has restricted your freedoms and is too much for you. There is no adequate trust or communication.
4. The relationship causes you constant discomfort, insecurity or worry. In addition, they have developed an unhealthy codependence.
5. They do not have compatible goals and objectives in the medium and long term. They may get along very well, but they want different things in life.
Phrases of the end of a relationship: how to end without hurting?
Realizing that we must end a relationship does not mean that we are angry with our partner, much less that we want to harm him. If you want to break a relationship causing the least possible discomfort, you can resort to one of these approaches:
1. I am ending the relationship because we don’t see the world in the same way. This does not mean that neither is better or worse than the other, only that we have already learned what we should learn from the other and it is time to follow our path.
2. I think you are a wonderful person and I greatly appreciate everything I lived by your side; However, I am also convinced that now it is best that we separate. So we can give ourselves the opportunity to meet people with whom we are more similar.
3. I don’t hold any resentment or anger. You will always be an important person in my life. But I feel that now our relationship is sustained more by custom, codependence or fear of being alone, and that is not healthy.
How to overcome the end of a toxic relationship?
The end of a toxic relationship usually leaves us with more guilt or resentment than the end of a healthy relationship. This is because all the bad things that we normalize or overlook while the romance lasted come to light.
In addition, as a rule, toxic relationships do not have a healthy “closure.” On the contrary, for them to be finished, a rupture usually occurs in which both parties get too injured.
The most important thing to overcome the end of a toxic relationship is to stop clinging to those faults and those grudges. You can’t change the past, but you can make sure you don’t make the same mistakes in the future.
How to face the end of a relationship with children?
When there are children involved, the anger, resentment and desire for “revenge” that may exist among the members of the ex-partner must go to the background.
The most important thing is to communicate to the children that their parents continue to love them and remain available to them. And, of course, that the separation had nothing to do with them.
If children see that their parents are constantly fighting or arguing, they will inevitably experience insecurity, guilt or anxiety. That is why it is very important to stop being selfish and focus on the emotional well-being of children.
Images for the end of a relationship
Memes of end of a relationship
We hope that the advice in this article will help you overcome the end of a love relationship faster. Remember that patience and self-love are essential to move forward. Do you want to share in the comments some other strategy to overcome a break?