Are you in love with someone much older or much younger than you? Does the age difference stop you from starting a relationship? Have you heard on more than one occasion that couples with a large age difference do not work? In Bigmatrimonial we explain if the difference in age in the couple is really a problem or not.
Does age difference matter in love?
We have always heard that love is ageless, that what matters is that the feeling is strong and love can do anything. These are very romantic statements, but does it always happen like that? In everyday life, everything is not as ideal as we think. Actually, the difference in age matters to the extent that it affects the relationship.
Does the age difference between couples have disadvantages?
The age difference between the members of the couple can present a series of drawbacks. Some occur more frequently than others and are more or less important to the future of the relationship.
- Lifestyle. The routine and activities preferred by each member can be very different. As it happens, for example, when one of the members is a student and the other is a worker.
- Social relations. Generally we relate more to people with an age similar to ours and with whom we have things in common. It may be that when spending time with people around our partner we do not feel very integrated because we are in different times of life . The topics of conversation for example tend to vary a lot when the age difference is pronounced. As well as leisure activities, frequented restaurants, etc.
- Sex. The difference in performance, in the way and in the way of thinking can pose a problem of understanding in this area. The physical capacity, the libido, the importance that we give to sexual relations …
- The opposition of the environment. Sometimes family or friends don’t support the relationship. This happens to a greater extent by the parents or the children (if any) of any of the members of the couple. The difficulty of integrating into the new family involves a conflict that sometimes ends with the breakup of the couple.
- The goals of life. Whether it is a change of address in search of a job opportunity or the decision to have children, if the goals are very different, the couple’s relationship is doomed to failure.
- Maturity. The degree of maturity from the life experiences and learning of the older member may be very different from the level presented by the younger member. This can be a problem, both in the type of problems that appear in the relationship, and in conflict resolution. This does not always happen, since despite the age difference, the maturity of both members can be similar.
Is there a recommended age difference between couples?
There are studies that limit the appropriate age difference to 5 years. It is possible that this age range diminishes the appearance of the difficulties that we have mentioned in the previous section, but it does not assure it. Well these factors are influenced by age but not determined.
There are couples that with a difference of more than 10 years have or have had a wonderful relationship. There are others of the same age whose relationship has been disastrous. The question is, more than in age, in having similar values and establishing the bases of a healthy relationship.
On the other hand, the same number of years can cause more or less inequality according to age. For example, in both cases being 15 years the difference, we would perceive it greater between a person of 20 and one of 35, than between one of 40 and one of 55.
Furthermore, the age that matters most in these cases is the “mental age” and not the chronological one.
Couples with an age difference of 20 years, do they work?
We believe that couples with a very pronounced age difference only occur among celebrities, but if you look closely there are surely some couples around us with differences of 10 or 20 years.
When the age difference between the members of the couple is 20 years, obviously there are more possibilities that difficulties arise, as the inequality is more pronounced. But we insist that it is not something that always has to happen and with a good understanding they can be solved. It is important to know that although these differences may exist due to the age difference, that does not prevent you from having a healthy and beneficial relationship.
For example, family opposition is something that may come up at first, but normally if the relationship continues and our loved ones see us as happy, they will accept and even support the relationship. As for the way of life or social relationships, as time goes by there may be a satisfactory adaptation for both members and let’s not forget that although it is important to get along with the environment of the couple, in the end who we live with and spend more time with. is with our partner. What prevails in these cases is that the values and goals of both are similar and of course there is love and respect.
This article is merely informative, in Bigmatrimonial we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.