10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse

10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse

It is necessary to have a planned approach to knowing what to ask to your unfaithful husband or wife in order to know the clear answers you want. We have prepared 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse.

The confrontation is painful when you hear frank revelations. To keep the conversation going as smoothly as possible, consider the following:

  • Do your best to keep your cool to ensure a constructive discussion.
  • Set aside time to speak in a safe, distraction-free place (especially from children).
  • Since you will not be able to reach a decision in one conversation, limit your discussion to two hours to avoid exhausting yourself or letting things get out of control.
  • Make before the conversation with the questions you want to ask your spouse.

Let’s take a look at some of these questions that you may want to ask a cheating spouse in order to prepare for a more productive conversation.

questions to ask your spouse after infidelity

1. Why did you get lost?

It is possible that none of you noticed that a distance formed in your marriage before the affair.

When a partner feels distant from the other, he begins to believe that the other person no longer cares and acts in response to this belief.

Your spouse may cite long hours or children as the reason for the distance between you. Caring for an elderly or sick parent can also make a partner feel that the other is not there

Other reasons for cheating include

  • To fall in love
  • An unsatisfactory sex life
  • Feeling neglected or underestimated
  • The desire for exploration or variety
  • Anger or revenge
  • Wanting to improve self-esteem

Understanding the “why” of infidelity can help you determine what your next steps will be and whether or not you want to try to save the marriage.

2. How did you justify your behavior?

The novelty and excitement of secrecy and hunting outweighs their ability to anticipate the devastation to come. This means that their justification may have been to fill a void which they had not even realized existed.

It is important to realize how a platonic relationship can turn into a bond while you listen to your spouse’s answer to this question.

When people confide in friends of the opposite sex about marital problems, they discover a weak spot and subtly signal their availability, whether they do it on purpose or not.

While it is not uncommon for women to express their feelings to various people, men generally only share their feelings with an intimate partner.

This is why, when a relationship becomes emotionally intimate, men often sexualize it.

3. Do you still have feelings for this person?

If your spouse declares that he no longer has feelings, it is up to you to decide whether or not you accept this answer literally. But if you’ve agreed to talk about the relationship, it’s important to do your part by accepting the word from your spouse.

4. Will you still be in contact with this person?

If it is a co-worker or someone hard to avoid, it may be impossible to overcome the betrayal without your spouse changing jobs or both of you moving.

Look for as much closure as possible in your spouse’s response.

  • Will he be unlikely to run into this person in the future?
  • Has your spouse agreed to prevent the lover from communicating with you in any form?
  • Is your spouse willing to let you monitor their phone, email and social media?

If this is the case, it will be easier to focus only on yourself and your spouse while you heal.

If the other person is unavoidable, listen to your spouse propose a concrete plan to limit contact and be completely open with you about the contacts he must have.

5. How did you feel differently with this person?

However, it is important to ask these 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse in order to know the possible void that has been filled.

If your spouse says he may have been more comfortable with the other person, you will want to examine the causes of any tension in your home or external stressors that had an impact on your marriage.

If she tells you that she was able to regain confidence in this person, examine the possible reasons for which she lost confidence in your marriage.

6. Have you planned a future together?

Hopefully, if your spouse admits to having talked about a future with the other person, it was simply a fantasy and not a concrete plan.

Make the effort to listen to the story without filling in the blanks with your own assumptions.

Infidelity can happen without anyone falling in love. You must be prepared to listen to your partner’s truth rather than blindly maintaining the belief that he fell in love with the other person in the same way that he fell in love with you.

Read Also

Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
How To End A Toxic Relationship
When Do You Know Your Relationship Is Over

7. What did you reveal about our marriage?

You can assume that your unfaithful spouse spoke negatively about your relationship. But some unfaithful partners actually give a positive image of their marriage, while others do not talk about it at all.

In any case, it is essential to open up to this subject to begin to rebuild the bond with your spouse and to eliminate the secrets which could be left between the two of you.

8. When did the case start?

Guilt is a feeling with which one cannot live easily on a daily basis.

So if these feelings were unbearable enough for the matter to end, it can help to assure you that another matter will not happen in the future.

But if an initial sense of guilt has dissipated, allowing the case to continue, there are many more reasons to worry.

But if an initial sense of guilt has dissipated, allowing the case to continue, there are many more reasons to worry.

9. Have you had unprotected sex?

Hearing that your spouse has had unprotected sex is a hurtful reminder of their carelessness during the affair. But even if your spouse denies having unprotected sex, you should both be tested for STDs.

Showing willingness to be tested demonstrates a sense of personal responsibility and consideration on the part of the cheating partner, which will remove an obstacle to resuming your sexual relationship.

10. What can we do now to protect our relationship?

Think of the activities you enjoyed doing together when you started dating and having spontaneous fun. Talk about why you got married in the first place.

You should both regularly express your gratitude for everything that works well in your relationship.

This little effort will help you focus on the strengths of your marriage so you can start building on them again.

How these questions can help you

Knowing 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse after an infidelity can help you start the healing process in a healthy way – whether you heal on your own after separation or divorce, or decide to fight for your marriage.

It is a good idea for you and your spouse to seek advice to guide you on your journey of mourning and acceptance, even if you decide not to work to restore confidence in your relationship.

Having a professional perspective can help crush harmful assumptions and encourage clear communication between the parties.

When faced with infidelity, remember that just because your spouse is honest in his disclosure of details and events does not mean that you have to accept his reasons or justifications.

You must decide for yourself whether or not you can overcome the betrayal and go ahead with your spouse or whether you must end the marriage.

We hope your spouse’s answers to these 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse can help you make this difficult decision.

About Eric J. Cameron

Certified coach specialized in Mindset and Relationship Empowerment. Specialized advisor in supporting men and women to face and overcome difficult situations through the use of stories, guides, videos and books. He has an MBA and a Master of Humanities. He is also the creator of the Stories for Relationship Blog.

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